Oh yeah, it's back. Saddened by the fact that new generations of Rocky Horror cast members wouldn't be properly disgusted by this umm... classic?... VHS video, I actually paid to have it transferred to DVD and made a number of video clips from it. Because that's just the kind of guy I am, and because it did finally go out of print some time ago along with all other VHS porn. If you're not already familiar with it, The Rocky Porno Video Show is a 1986 porn parody of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It is not the only such parody, but it is by far the best known due to word of mouth among Rocky Horror cast members as well as the purity test
(I've heard many people say they watched The Rocky Porno Video Show primarily to lower their purity score).
Unfortunately as a porno, it is just awful. Terrible. "Avoid, avoid, avoid" is how some put it. I pity anyone who is actually turned on by this. A couple of scenes in particular tend to etch themselves on people's brains, in a bad way. Much like virgin sacrifice though, many of us have already gone through it once and now want to see the appalled looks on the faces of unsuspecting people as they watch it for their first times. And now you can share the pain with friends over the Internet! How cool is that?WARNING: MOST OF THE CLIPS BELOW INCLUDE HARDCORE PORN. PLEASE DO NOT CLICK PLAY UNLESS YOU'RE CERTAIN YOU WANT TO SEE IT.
- "Hey, wait a minute. Didn't we pass a house a few minutes ago?" Tommy and Tammy (the Brad and Janet equivalents) are stuck in their car during a thunderstorm when they run out of gas, hold newspapers over their heads to avoid the rain, and go to the house up the road where they hope to use a phone. They meet a weird butler named Priapus (the Riff Raff equivalent). Amazingly, this particular clip is actually safe for work.
* Come On In / Opening Credits
- Linda Thomas sings the "Come On In" theme song for opening credits. The song is a vague parody of Sweet Transvestite.
* Meet The Family
- "Hi. You guys are from outer space!" "How did you know?" Mistress Tantala (the Dr. Frank-N-Furter equivalent) is introduced by her high heels, as she slowly descends the stairs. Tommy and Tammy are then introduced to the rest of the household, whom we're informed are aliens. Thankfully, there's no actual porn in this clip.
- "Priapus... I want you to go and light my candles. I really want to warm up my... pussy." Here we discover the super queefing power of Mistress Tantala, as she's attended on by Priapus with a candelabra. Truly disgusting.
* Drink This I Came In It
- "Juicy nectar... the fruit of the gods." Mistress Tantala attends to Priapus, while his make-up disturbingly melts off his face. She then has a martini, while we discover the origin of the "Drink this, I came in it" line. Again... really disgusting.
* Will You Come With Us?
- "Tammy... Tommy.. we wish to transport you beyond this galaxy to the planet of Lust, to the swamps of Sexylvania! Will you come with us?" "I now baptize you in the name of seduction, obsession, and temptation!", says Mistress Tantala.
* Priapus Transformation
- Priapus runs off to the lab, where he transforms himself into a handsome naked stud with a cock ring harness. All thanks to the power of '80s technology and the spinning double-ended dildo I assume.
* Come On In (reprise) / End Credits
- "What happened to us?" "I don't know, but can we go home now?" Linda Thomas sings the "Come On In" theme song for end credits also.
I think the only scene I'm "missing" is the one where Mistress Tantala loses one of her long fake fingernails inside somebody. I just really didn't feel like searching through the actual porn parts to find that. I'm terribly sorry.