Rocky Porno Video Show

Riff Raff · **Posted:** Sat Apr 04, 2009 1:23 am

Oh yeah, it's back. Saddened by the fact that new generations of Rocky Horror cast members wouldn't be properly disgusted by this umm... classic?... VHS video, I actually paid to have it transferred to DVD and made a number of video clips from it. Because that's just the kind of guy I am, and because it did finally go out of print some time ago along with all other VHS porn. If you're not already familiar with it, The Rocky Porno Video Show is a 1986 porn parody of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It is not the only such parody, but it is by far the best known due to word of mouth among Rocky Horror cast members as well as the purity test (I've heard many people say they watched The Rocky Porno Video Show primarily to lower their purity score).

Unfortunately as a porno, it is just awful. Terrible. "Avoid, avoid, avoid" is how some put it. I pity anyone who is actually turned on by this. A couple of scenes in particular tend to etch themselves on people's brains, in a bad way. Much like virgin sacrifice though, many of us have already gone through it once and now want to see the appalled looks on the faces of unsuspecting people as they watch it for their first times. And now you can share the pain with friends over the Internet! How cool is that?

WARNING: MOST OF THE CLIPS BELOW INCLUDE HARDCORE PORN. PLEASE DO NOT CLICK PLAY UNLESS YOU'RE CERTAIN YOU WANT TO SEE IT.

* Introduction - "Hey, wait a minute. Didn't we pass a house a few minutes ago?" Tommy and Tammy (the Brad and Janet equivalents) are stuck in their car during a thunderstorm when they run out of gas, hold newspapers over their heads to avoid the rain, and go to the house up the road where they hope to use a phone. They meet a weird butler named Priapus (the Riff Raff equivalent). Amazingly, this particular clip is actually safe for work.
* Come On In / Opening Credits - Linda Thomas sings the "Come On In" theme song for opening credits. The song is a vague parody of Sweet Transvestite.
* Meet The Family - "Hi. You guys are from outer space!" "How did you know?" Mistress Tantala (the Dr. Frank-N-Furter equivalent) is introduced by her high heels, as she slowly descends the stairs. Tommy and Tammy are then introduced to the rest of the household, whom we're informed are aliens. Thankfully, there's no actual porn in this clip.
* Queefing - "Priapus... I want you to go and light my candles. I really want to warm up my... pussy." Here we discover the super queefing power of Mistress Tantala, as she's attended on by Priapus with a candelabra. Truly disgusting.
* Drink This I Came In It - "Juicy nectar... the fruit of the gods." Mistress Tantala attends to Priapus, while his make-up disturbingly melts off his face. She then has a martini, while we discover the origin of the "Drink this, I came in it" line. Again... really disgusting.
* Will You Come With Us? - "Tammy... Tommy.. we wish to transport you beyond this galaxy to the planet of Lust, to the swamps of Sexylvania! Will you come with us?" "I now baptize you in the name of seduction, obsession, and temptation!", says Mistress Tantala.
* Priapus Transformation - Priapus runs off to the lab, where he transforms himself into a handsome naked stud with a cock ring harness. All thanks to the power of '80s technology and the spinning double-ended dildo I assume.
* Come On In (reprise) / End Credits - "What happened to us?" "I don't know, but can we go home now?" Linda Thomas sings the "Come On In" theme song for end credits also.

I think the only scene I'm "missing" is the one where Mistress Tantala loses one of her long fake fingernails inside somebody. I just really didn't feel like searching through the actual porn parts to find that. I'm terribly sorry. :lol:

Glenn JB · **Posted:** Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:27 pm

Awesome! I've always wanted to see this.

TheLazenby · **Posted:** Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:27 pm

Awesome! I've always wanted to see this too!

Any chance of getting the entire thing as a torrent or something? These clips were just taunting us... I want to see the rest!

Riff Raff · **Posted:** Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:12 am

It's a porno. Tommy and Tammy fuck. They quarrel the next morning, then go off to each have threesomes with two people of the opposite sex. Mistress Tantala seduces Tommy and Tammy separately, one right after the other. There's a big orgy with everybody, including Priapus after he transforms into the handsome stud. The end.

Honest, I already posted everything remotely interesting. Unless you count Tommy falling out in the middle of a scene, which is just sad.

Glenn JB · **Posted:** Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:04 am

After viewing these clips (multiple times), it's really not THAT bad. There's a bit of style and camp, there's some recognizable cast members, there's some kinky/fetish bits (ew, queefing), the theme song is pretty groovy - pretty good for the mid-80s!
But I can't help wondering what it would have been like if filmed 10 years earlier and done seriously, with, say, Zebedy Colt or Jamie Gillies as Frank...!

Riff Raff · **Posted:** Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:48 am

BTW, there is a newer one (from 2002) I haven't actually seen yet called the "Funky Fetish Horror Show". Looks like the DVD's available at places like CDUniverse or AdultDVDeMart, while Private.com has it as a DivX download apparently. I'm sure I'll buy the DVD eventually. Ruth Fink-Winter was kind enough to post a review of it on the newsgroup:

Quote:

The Funky Fetish Horror Show (calling it a "parody" is generous) was
mentioned previously on the newsgroup.

I finally went out and bought a copy.

I have to admit, the film itself has more references to Rocky Horror
than the original Rocky Porno did.

Box: decorated with fetish chick, doesn't look Rocky at all. No
bleeding letters on the cover.

Film intro: Nasty-looking red lips (wearing matte, probably
glow-in-black-light lipstick) mouth some sexual invitations.

Plot (again, being *very* generous): Nice young couple's car breaks
down and they go to a castle in the rain. Frank, a time-traveling
transvestite, causes them to change into fetish outfits/makeup and have
lots of sex with very glittery fetishwear-wearing people on industrial
looking sets, then tells them they are now his "ambassadors to earth."
They wake up in the car; was it all a dream? No, Frank has left a
crystal from the castle behind. Brad and Janet smile at each other;
roll credits.

Pluses versus the original Porno:
* They actually have a castle. With an "Enter at your own risk!!"
sign, yet. Still no elevator.
* The main characters are actually named Brad, Janet and Frank.
* Frank actually is a man in a corset, stockings and heels. Not a
particularly attractive man...but at least he's male.
* A few dialogue lines in the final scene: "Don't dream it, feel it"
and (if I heard correctly), "Dammit, Janet, I f**k you."
* No bizarre tan lines. Just as much weird glitter makeup, but
technology has come a long way.

Minuses:
*No funny theme song.
* Sort-of-bleeding letters featured in titles but not on box.
* Lack of camp value: No truly outrageous dialogue, missing
fingernails, blowing out candles, Mistress Tantala, or "Hyper Sex."
(Some people might consider these pluses.)
* Boring black light sex sequence that seemed to last forever.

If you're a hardcore collector, you might pick this up. Or not. The
Rocky Porno is a better collectible, in my opinion, due to the box and
the camp value. (Of course, you won't find it with a box unless you
buy it used.)

If you like lots of fetish accoutrements, people sucking on boots and
toes, and lots and lots of glitter makeup (some shows up in one actor's
privates; glitter has gotten less lethal over the years), there's
something here for you.

R
("I'm coming to bed soon, honey. I'm posting a review of this porn to
the newsgroup as a public service.")

TheLazenby · **Posted:** Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:03 pm

You know, I don't know why your old page described that as a "disgusting and dripping twat"... if it wasn't so damn vocal, I'd probably have a go at it. :-P

Seriously though, the candle scene was the most fuckin' hilarious thing I've seen in years. I smell a gag for "American Pie 7". Well, I think that's what I smell... but I digress.

Riff Raff · **Posted:** Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:11 pm

I probably don't know either. There's a lot of things I wrote on the old site that make no sense to me now (when I need to reference it for one thing or another). It's kind of like when I read newsgroup posts that I wrote back in college, and think "Wow, that guy was a real asshole".

TheLazenby · **Posted:** Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:31 pm

Oh, I definitely know how you feel. When I posted on the newsgroup, I was a *prick*... and back then, I was just some faceless teenager that no one on there knew personally.

Now, several years later, I'm actually active in the Pittsburgh RHPS community, and I'm *very* afraid that something I said on there will bite me in the ass someday.

johnnyd1788 · **Joined:** Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:03 pm **Posts:** 6

I cannot believe you actually posted this! A part of me wishes you didn't but a part of me has me saying, "Thanks!" lol

Glenn JB · **Posted:** Fri Feb 03, 2012 6:50 pm

Bizarro news time. The Rocky Porno Video Show is now officially on DVD!
http://www.alphabluearchives.com/store/ ... ts_id=1367

Maybe it's been out for awhile, but it looks like one of their newer releases.

Riff Raff · **Posted:** Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:06 pm

Wow. Porn really does never go away entirely. A Mistress Tantala triple feature, though? Gah.

schweppie · **Joined:** Sat Jun 23, 2007 2:40 pm **Posts:** 35

Seems to be cheaper here http://www.xrentdvd.com/Alpha_Blue/Mist ... 80019.html

Glenn JB · **Posted:** Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:21 pm

Cheapest I can find is at Adult DVD Pacific, at $14.23

Madame_Dementia · **Joined:** Mon Feb 06, 2012 6:44 am **Posts:** 0

Hello, hello! New here! I noticed this thread and I just had to pop in. You'll never guess what I found on xHamster: http://xhamster.com/movies/151546/mistress_tantala.html

Yep, it's none other than "The Rocky Porno Video Show" in its entirety! Link is NSFW, of course!

Enjoy!

crazybeats · **Joined:** Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:57 am **Posts:** 8

We should all make a new updated one!

TheLazenby · **Posted:** Thu Nov 21, 2013 1:32 am

They did. "The Rocki Whore Picture Show." This time with actual lookalikes (quite ugly ones) of all the Rocky characters.

And I have yet to find a single person who enjoys it.

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