The Musical World of Rocky Horror

Clue        1,956 views

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                                       CLUE

                                      (1985)

Screenplay by: Jonathan Lynn
Story by: John Landis and Jonathan Lynn.
Directed by: Jonathan Lynn.

Original transcription completed 7:37 p.m., Wednesday, May 10, 1995.
--Jack Witzig

------------------------

The opening credits appear over a sky, growing stormy.


1 -- EXT. WADSWORTH'S CAR--TWILIGHT -- 1

WADSWORTH's car travels through the wind of an oncoming storm.
It pulls up to the gate of Hill House.

Hill House is a large, imposing mansion, looking very New England.

Wadsworth takes out a key and unlocks the gate.
He drives the car up to the front door.


2 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 2

Wadsworth exits the car, holding a bag and looking at the two barking guard dogs.
The dogs approach Wadsworth . . . then jump.
Wadsworth quickly pulls a big beef bone out of the bag and hurls it to them.
The dogs trot away to gnaw on the bone as Wadsworth rolls up the bag.
Wadsworth cinches their chain so it won't allow them to reach the door.
He steps toward the door . . . and sniffs.
Wadsworth pauses and checks the bottom of his feet. Dog crap.
He looks in disgust at the dogs, who aren't bothered at all.


3 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 3

The Hall of Hill House is remarkable, elegant but not gaudy.
It is furnished in dark wood, and brass, with crystal chandeliers.
There are several doors on each side of the hall and three at the end.
To the left: Lounge and dining room.
To the right: Study, library, and billiard room.
The end: Conservatory, ball room, bathroom, and kitchen.
The stairs are located to the right.
By the staircase is the door to the basement steps.

We hear "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" in the background.
Wadsworth opens the front door of Hill House and wipes off his foot.
He enters and hangs up his coat.

SUPERIMPOSED:      NEW ENGLAND

			    1954

Wadsworth steps briskly down the Hall steps toward the library.


4 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 4

The library is a somewhat more comfortable room than the hall,
composed of dark colors. All of the walls are covered with books,
with the exception of one wall, a window.

YVETTE, a young and rather jiggly french maid, is polishing a glass.
The music is much louder.
Wadsworth enters and turns off the record player. The music stops.

He speaks to the maid in a proper English accent.

WADSWORTH
Is everything ready?

She replies in a French accent.

YVETTE
Oui, monsieur.

WADSWORTH
You have your instructions?

Yvette nods.
Wadsworth exits.

Yvette sniffs the air, and then examines the bottom of her shoes.


5 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 5

The kitchen is white tile, narrow. There is a meat freezer to the right.
A counter leads off to the left.

MRS. HO, the cook, is sharpening a knife.
Joseph McCarthy is speaking on the television in the background.

Wadsworth enters.

WADSWORTH
Is everything all right, Mrs. Ho?

She turns, knife in hand.

MRS. HO
Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty.

The doorbell rings.

Wadsworth exits the kitchen.


6 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR--NIGHT -- 6

A man is standing by the front door, being growled at by the dogs.
He is not comfortable.


7 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 7

Wadsworth opens the door.

WADSWORTH
Good evening.

MAN
Good evening. I don't know if--

WADSWORTH
Yes, indeed, sir, you are expected, Colonel.
May I take your coat? It is Colonel Mustard, isn't it?

MUSTARD
No, that's not my name. My name is Colonel--

WADSWORTH
Pardon me, sir, but tonight you may well feel obliged to my employer
for the use of an alias.

Mustard sniffs around and checks his shoe as Wadsworth hangs his coat.

The pair starts across the hall.

MUSTARD
And who are you, sir?

WADSWORTH
I'm Wadsworth, sir. The butler.


8 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 8

Yvette is present.

WADSWORTH
Yvette, will you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he requires.
(glances at them)
Within reason, that is.

Wadsworth exits, closing the doors behind him. The doors have books
on the back of them, and so look like a part of the wall.

MUSTARD
Oh, Wadsworth, I was--

Mustard turns to discover the doors have disappeared.

The bell rings.


9 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 9

A woman dressed in black stands here.
Wadsworth opens the door.


10 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 10

WADSWORTH
Do come in, madam. You are expected.

WOMAN
Do you know who I am?

WADSWORTH
Only that you are to be known as Mrs. White.

WHITE
Yes, it said so in the letter. But, why . . . ?

Wadsworth removes her coat, with a brilliantly white inside.
Mrs. White sniffs and checks her shoe.


11 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 11

Yvette and Col. Mustard are here.
Mustard is sipping Cognac and glancing at Yvette.
The doors open, the left one into Col. Mustard.

WADSWORTH
Ah. May I introduce you? Mrs. White, this is Yvette, the maid.
(The two women react with disgust)
I see you know each other.

Mrs. White turns away as Col. Mustard emerges from behind the door.

WHITE
Hello.

MUSTARD
Hello.


12 -- EXT. ROADSIDE -- 12

A slim woman is standing by her broken down car.
An owl can be heard.
She hits the car, obviously frustrated.
Thunder roars in the distance.

The woman sees headlights a short way away. She smoothes her dress.
As the car nears, she bends over the engine and lifts a leg.
the car screeches to a halt just past her and backs up.
The woman goes to the car and peers in.

MAN'S VOICE
Want a lift?

WOMAN
(sultry)
Yes, please . . .

She gets in.


13 -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 13

WOMAN
Thanks. I'm late for a dinner date.

MAN
Me too. Where are you going?

The woman pulls out a sheet of paper.

WOMAN
(looking at paper)
Let's see . . . Hill House. Off Route 41.

MAN
Wait a minute. Let me look at that.
(takes paper)
That's where I'm going. I got a letter like this.

They both look disturbed.


14 -- EXT. CAR -- 14

The rain has started.
The windshield wipers start as the car pulls away.


15 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 15

We see a middle aged woman.

WADSWORTH (O.S.)
And this is Mrs. Peacock.

MUSTARD
How do you do?

WHITE
Hello.

WADSWORTH
Yvette, will you go and check that dinner will be ready as soon
as all the guests have arrived?

Yvette nods.
Mrs. Peacock stares disapprovingly at Yvette's exposed cleavage.

Yvette exits the library.

The doorbell rings.


16 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 16

It is now raining quite hard.
A man is standing at the door, much like Col. Mustard was.
The dogs, of course, are growling.

Wadsworth opens the door.

MAN
Is this the right address to meet Mr. Boddy?

WADSWORTH
Oh, you must be Mr. Green.

GREEN
Yes . . .

WADSWORTH
(to dogs)
Sit!

Green frantically sits on a bench by the door.

WADSWORTH
No. Not you, sir.

Mr. Green sheepishly gets up and enters the house.


17 -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17

WOMAN
It should be just off there.


17a -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--VIEW FROM FRONT GATE -- 17a


17b -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17b

MAN
That must be it.


17c -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--VIEW FROM FRONT GATE -- 17c

Lightning crashes, illuminating the house.


17d -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17d

WOMAN
Why is the car stopped?

MAN
It's frightened.


17e -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT GATE -- 17e

The car is started again and it rolls up the driveway.


18 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 18

Lightning crashes, making Mr. Green gulp.


19 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT--DRIVEWAY -- 19

The man and woman exit their car and run for the front door.
The man shields the woman from the now heavy rain.

MAN
What a godforsaken place!

He squeezes one of the woman's buttocks.
She shakes his hand off, looking disgusted.

The door opens, revealing Wadsworth.

WADSWORTH
Professor Plum! And Miss Scarlet. I didn't realize you were acquainted.

SCARLET
(glancing at Plum)
We weren't.

They enter.


20 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 20

The doors open to reveal Prof. Plum and Miss Scarlet.

WADSWORTH
May I present Professor Plum . . . and Miss Scarlet.

Nods all around.

Plum and Scarlet receive wine glasses from Yvette, whom Plum eyes.
Prof. Plum clinks glasses with Miss Scarlet, who looks annoyed.

WADSWORTH
Of course, since you've each been addressed by a pseudonym,
you'll have realized that nobody here is being addressed by their real name.

The guests glance around suspiciously.


21 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 21

Mrs. Ho bangs a bong once, fiercely.


22 -- INT. LIBRARY -- 22

The gong is heard a second time.
Mr. Green jumps at the sound, dumping his champagne on Mr. Peacock.

WADSWORTH
(calmly, as always)
Ah. Dinner.

GREEN
(hands Peacock his glass, starts to mop her up as she clucks)
I'm sorry . . . I'm a little accident-prone . . .


23 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 23

The guests cross to the Dining Room.


24 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 24

The dining room is elegant, in similar decor to the Hall, but it is
somewhat more comfortable.
However, the room is still small.
At one end, there is a door and a metal partition, both leading to the kitchen.

The guests file in.

WADSWORTH
You'll find your names beside your places. Please be seated.

The guests, except for Col. Mustard, find their places and sit.
Wadsworth sets Miss Scarlet's drink on the table, to her pleasure.

MUSTARD
(indicating the head of the table)
Is this place for you?

WADSWORTH
Oh, indeed, no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler.

MUSTARD
And what exactly do you do?

WADSWORTH
I buttle, sir.

MUSTARD
Which means what?

WADSWORTH
The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room.
I keep everything . . . tidy. That's all.

Col. Mustard attempts to continue but is interrupted by Mrs. Peacock.

PEACOCK
Well, what's all this about, butler; this dinner party?

WADSWORTH
"Ours is not to reason why . . . Ours is but to do and die"

PLUM
"Die"?

WADSWORTH
(smiling)
Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

MUSTARD
(now seated next to Miss Scarlet)
Hm. I prefer Kipling, myself.
"The female of the species is more deadly than the male."
(to Scarlet)
You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?

SCARLET
Sure, I'll eat anything.

Yvette enters carrying a tray.

YVETTE
(to Peacock)
Sharks' Fin Soup, Madame.

MUSTARD
(again indicating head)
So is this for our host?

WADSWORTH
No, sir. For the seventh guest, Mr. Boddy.

WHITE
I thought Mr. Boddy was our host?

The guests all concur.

WHITE
So who is our host, Mr. Wadsworth?

Wadsworth chuckles with a closed smile.

PLUM
Well, I want to start, while it's still hot.

PEACOCK
Oh, now shouldn't we wait for the other guest?

YVETTE
I will keep somesing warm for eem.

SCARLET
What did you have in mind, dear?

Silence.

Prof. Plum slurps soup from his spoon.
Mrs. White disapproves, then does the same.
Mustard, Scarlet, and Green stare at them, spoons poised near mouths.
They do it again.

Silence.

PEACOCK
(breathlessly)
Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me.
I mean, I'm used to being a hostess; it's part of my husband's work,
and it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together
for the first time to get acquainted, so I'm perfectly prepared to start
the ball rolling . . . I mean, I have absolutely no idea what we're doing
here, or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am
determined to enjoy myself and I'm very intrigued and oh, my, this
soup's delicious isn't it?

Everyone sits bewildered.

WHITE
You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?

PEACOCK
Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a. . .
oh, but then I forgot we're not supposed to say who we really are,
though heavens to Betsy, I don't know why.

MUSTARD
Don't you.

GREEN
I know who you are.

SCARLET
Aren't you going to tell us?

PEACOCK
(removes glasses nervously)
How do you know who I am?

GREEN
I work in Washington, too.

PLUM
Oh, so you're a politician's wife.

PEACOCK
Yes, I-I am.

MUSTARD
Well, come on, then. Who's your husband?

Suddenly, Wadsworth opens the door from the kitchen.

PEACOCK
(to Mrs. White)
So, what does your husband do?

WHITE
(almost cutting her off)
Nothing.

PEACOCK
Nothing?

WHITE
Well, he . . . just . . . lies around on his back all day.

SCARLET
Sounds like hard work to me.

Yvette, in the kitchen, opens the partition suddenly.
The noise coincides with a crash of thunder.

Mr. Green, jumpy as ever, spills his drink again, this time on Miss Scarlet.

GREEN
I'm . . . sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little accident-prone.

He starts to wipe off her upper chest.

SCARLET
Ah--watch it.

He stops.

Yvette starts serving food.

YVETTE
Excuse moi.

The guests start eating.

PEACOCK
Mmm! This is one of my favorite recipes!

WADSWORTH
I know, madam.

PEACOCK
So, what do you do in Washington, D.C., Mr. Green?

No answer.

PEACOCK
Come on, what do you do? I mean, how are we to get
acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves?

SCARLET
(angrily)
Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you.

PEACOCK
(bothered)
Well, I'm sure I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation
going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.

PLUM
Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?

PEACOCK
Yes! What? No, why?

PLUM
Oh, it just seems to me that you seem to suffer from
what we call pressure of speech.

SCARLET
"We"? Who's "we"? Are you a shrink?

PLUM
I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes.

WHITE
Are you a doctor?

PLUM
I am, but I don't practice.

SCARLET
Practice makes perfect. Ha. I think most men need a little
practice, don't you, Mrs. Peacock?

Mrs. Peacock shrugs, very uncomfortable.

WHITE
So what do you do, Professor?

PLUM
I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.

MUSTARD
Another politician. Jesus!

PLUM
No, I work for a branch of UNO. W.H.O., the World Health Organization.

PEACOCK
Well, what is your area of special concern?

PLUM
Family planning.
(to Mustard)
What about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel?

MUSTARD
(seriously)
I am, sir.

SCARLET
You're not going to mention the coincidence that you also live in
Washington, D.C.?

MUSTARD
How did you know that? Have we met before?

SCARLET
I've certainly seen you before. Although you may not have seen me.

GREEN
So, Miss Scarlet, does this mean that you live in Washington, too?

SCARLET
Sure do.

PEACOCK
Does anyone here not live in Washington, D.C.?

PLUM
I don't.

GREEN
Yes, but you work for the United Nations.
That's a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town.
Anyone here not earn their living from the government in one way or another?

Col. Mustard stands suddenly.

MUSTARD
(angrily, to Wadsworth)
Wadsworth, where's our host, and why have we been brought here?

The doorbell rings.

Wadsworth exits.

We hear the door opening and Wadsworth speaks.

WADSWORTH (O.S.)
Ah! Good evening. You are eagerly awaited.

MAN (O.S.)
You lockin' me in?
I'll take the key.

WADSWORTH (O.S.)
Over my dead body, sir.
May I take your bag?

MAN (O.S.)
No. I'll leave it here 'til I need it.

WADSWORTH (O.S.)
It contains evidence, I presume?

MAN (O.S.)
Surprises, my friend. That's what it contains--surprises!

Wadsworth enters the dining room, followed by the man.

WADSWORTH
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr. Boddy.

BODDY
What are they all doin' here?

WADSWORTH
Eating dinner. Do sit down, Mr. Boddy.

BODDY
(sitting)
Thanks.

Yvette starts to serve him

BODDY
Nah, you can take that away, honey.

Mrs. Peacock hits the table.

PEACOCK
(angrily)
Look. I demand to know what's going on. Now why have
we all been dragged up to this horrible place?

WADSWORTH
Well. I believe we all received a letter. My letter says,
"It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because
a Mr. Boddy will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential
and painful financial liability."
It is signed, "A friend."

GREEN
I received a similar letter.

SCARLET
So did we, didn't we. (indicating Prof. Plum)

BODDY
I also received a letter.
(Yvette starts to serve him again)
No thanks, Yvette. I just ate.

GREEN
Now, how did you know her name?

BODDY
We know each other.
(puts his hand up Yvette's (short) skirt)
Don't we, dear?

She recoils.

WADSWORTH
Forgive my curiosity, Mr. Boddy, but did your letter say the same thing?

BODDY
No.

WADSWORTH
I see . . .
(to group)
Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert?

No response.

WADSWORTH
In that case, may I suggest we adjourn to the study
for coffee and brandy, at which point I believe our unknown host
will reveal his intentions.


25 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 25

The study is by far the most comfortable room we've seen so far.
It is decorated in subdued tan colors.
There are several couches, a bookshelf, a table with drinks, and a desk.

The guests enter and look around for their host.

GREEN
Well, there's no one here.

WADSWORTH
(to the guests in general)
Please help yourself to brandy and be seated.

Wadsworth goes to the desk and takes a manilla envelope.
It reads        For Wadsworth
	   Open AFTER DINNER

SCARLET
Mind if I smoke?

Prof. Plum, seated next to Miss Scarlet, lights her cigarette.

Wadsworth opens the envelope.
He peruses the contents.

WADSWORTH
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm instructed to you what you all have
in common with each other.
Unless you would care to do the honors, Mr. Boddy?

BODDY
Why me? They know who I am?

WADSWORTH
I don't think so.
You've never identified yourself to them, I believe.

Mr. Boddy stands suddenly.

BODDY
It's a hoax! I suggest we all leave.

He takes off out the study door.

WADSWORTH
(in pursuit)
I'm sorry, sir, you cannot leave this house!


26 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 26

Mr. Boddy goes to the front door.
Wadsworth follows, and he is followed by the other guests.

BODDY
No? Who's gonna stop me?

WADSWORTH
There's no way out.
(Mr. Boddy tries the front door. It's locked.)
All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked.

BODDY
This is an outrage! You can't hold us prisoner!

The guests, in confusion, agree.

WADSWORTH
(shouting over the din)
Ladies and gentlemen, please! Please return to the study.
Everything will be explained.

The guests file unhappily back into the study.
Mr. Boddy walks past Wadsworth toward the rear of the hall.

WADSWORTH
(to Mr. Boddy)
You too, Mr. Boddy.

Boddy starts running.

WADSWORTH
Other way!

He pursues Mr. Boddy.


27 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--CONSERVATORY -- 27

The conservatory is humid, with plants all around.
Three of the walls are brick, and the fourth is glass,
leading to the outside.

The rain can be heard and seen, against the glass.

Mr. Boddy runs in, picks up a brick and prepares to throw it through the glass.
Wadsworth enters.

WADSWORTH
You can't get out that way.

BODDY
Why not? It's only glass!

Suddenly, a vicious Doberman jumps at the glass, barking and snarling.

Boddy drops the brick.


28 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28

The guests are already present.
Wadsworth and Mr. Boddy enter.

Wadsworth takes up his envelope again.

WADSWORTH
Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common.
You're all being blackmailed.
For some considerable time, all of you have been paying
what you can afford and, in some cases, more than you can
afford to someone who threatens to expose you.
And none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you?

PEACOCK
Oh, please! I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
I mean, nobody could blackmail me.
My life is an open book--I've never done anything wrong.

WADSWORTH
Anybody else wish to deny it?

The guests look at each other, but no one responds.

WADSWORTH
Very well. As everyone here is in the same boat, there's
no harm in my revealing some details.
And my instructions are to do so. Thank you, Yvette.

The maid, so dismissed, leaves.
Mr. Boddy's eyes follow her out.

WHITE
Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?

WADSWORTH
I'm sorry. Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry,
specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics
suffering from delusions of grandeur.

PLUM
Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

WADSWORTH
So your work has not changed.
But you don't practice medicine at the U.N.
His license to practice has bee lifted, correct?

SCARLET
Why? What did he do?

WADSWORTH
You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?

SCARLET
Yeah?

WADSWORTH
Well, he did.

SCARLET
Ha!

PEACOCK
Oh, how disgusting.

WADSWORTH
(swooping down on her)
Are you making moral judgements, Mrs. Peacock?
How, then, do you justify taking bribes in return for delivering your
husband Senator Peacock's vote to certain lobbyists?

PEACOCK
My husband is a paid consultant. There is nothing wrong with that!

WADSWORTH
Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps.
But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks
in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room,
how would you describe that transaction?

SCARLET
I'd say it stinks.

PEACOCK
Well, how would you know. When were you in that men's room?

PLUM
So it's true!

PEACOCK
(standing)
No, it's a vicious lie!

WADSWORTH
I'm sure we're all glad to hear that.
But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that
story out of the papers.

WHITE
(to Peacock)
Well, I am willing to believe you.
I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

GREEN
Me too.

MUSTARD
And me.

SCARLET
Not me.

WADSWORTH
You're not being blackmailed?

SCARLET
Oh, I'm being blackmailed, all right.
But I did what I'm being blackmailed for.

PLUM
(with interest)
What did you do?

SCARLET
Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a
telephone service which provide gentlemen with the company of a
young lady for a short while.

PLUM
(very interested)
Oh, yeah?
(pulling out a pen and notepad)
What's the phone number?

Miss Scarlet rolls her eyes.

GREEN
So how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington?
Is he one of your clients?

MUSTARD
(incredulous)
Certainly not!

GREEN
I was asking Miss Scarlet.

MUSTARD
(to Scarlet)
Well, you tell him it's not true!

SCARLET
It's not true.

PLUM
Is that true?

SCARLET
No, it's not true.

GREEN
Ha-hah! So it is true!

WADSWORTH
A double negative!

MUSTARD
Double "negative"? You mean you have--
(whispers to Scarlet)
Photographs?

WADSWORTH
That sounds like a confession to me. In fact, the double negative
has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.

MUSTARD
Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

WADSWORTH
You don't need any help from me, sir.

MUSTARD
That's right!

Mustard realizes what he just said.

PLUM
But seriously, I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Mustard
visiting a house of ill fame.
(puts his hand on Scarlet's leg)
Most soldiers do, don't they?

SCARLET
(standing)
Oh, please.

WADSWORTH
But he holds a sensitive security post in the pentagon.
And, Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives
on a colonel's pay.

MUSTARD
I don't.
I came into money during the war, when I lost my mommy and daddy.

Wadsworth is puzzled, but soon recovers.

WADSWORTH
Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend the blackmailer
ever since your husband died under, shall we say,
mysterious circumstances.

Miss Scarlet laughs.

WHITE
Why is that funny?

SCARLET
I see. That's why he was lying on his back. In his coffin.

WHITE
I didn't kill him.

MUSTARD
Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

WHITE
I don't want a scandal, do I?
We had had a very humiliating public confrontation,
he was deranged . . . lunatic.
He didn't actually seem to like me very much, he had
threatened to kill me in public.

SCARLET
Why would he want to kill you in public?

WADSWORTH
I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

SCARLET
Oh.
And was that his final word on the matter?

WHITE
Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?

WADSWORTH
And yet he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you.

SCARLET
What did he do for a living?

WHITE
He was a scientist. Nuclear physics.

SCARLET
What was he like?

WHITE
He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man.
I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.
But he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off and
so had his . . . you know . . .

The men in the room cross their legs.

WHITE
I had been out all evening at the movies.

SCARLET
Do you miss him?

WHITE
Well, it's a matter of life after death.
Now that he's dead, I have a life.

WADSWORTH
But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

WHITE
But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

WADSWORTH
But he never reappeared.

WHITE
(shrugging)
He wasn't a very good illusionist.

Mr. Green clears his throat and stands.

GREEN
I have something to say.
(pauses)
I'm not going to wait for Wadsworth here to unmask me.
I work for the state department. And I am a homosexual.

Wadsworth, wide-eyed, looks for Green's file.
Mrs. Peacock clucks in disgust.

GREEN
I feel no personal shame or guilt about this. But I must
keep it a secret or I will lose my job on security grounds.
(pauses again)
 . . . Thank you.

Mr. Green sits back down next to Prof. Plum,
who rapidly stands and walks away.

PLUM
Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy.

SCARLET
What's your little secret?

WADSWORTH
His secret?
Oh, hadn't you guessed?
He's the one who's blackmailing you all.

Lightning crashes.
Mr. Boddy looks very satisfied.

MUSTARD
You bastard!

The guests advance on Mr. Boddy as he stands.
Col. Mustard challenges Mr. Boddy to fight, boxing-style.

MUSTARD
Put 'em up!

Mr. Boddy steps on the Colonel's toes and pokes him in the eyes.

GREEN
Gentlemen . . .

MUSTARD
If you can't fight fairly, don't fight at all!

BODDY
Calls me a bastard!

Mr. Green and the others try to separate them as
Colonel Mustard recovers and Mr. Boddy goes for him.

Mrs. White decides to take matters into her own hands and
knees Mr. Boddy in the crotch.

GREEN
Was that necessary, Mrs. White?

WADSWORTH
Wait! Wait! The police are coming!

The guests disapprove.

WADSWORTH
Listen! Blackmail depends on secrecy. You've all admitted how
he's been able to blackmail you. All you have to do is tell the police,
he'll be convicted, and your troubles will be over.

BODDY
(standing, in pain)
's not so easy.
You'll never tell the police.

WADSWORTH
Then I shall. I have evidence in my possession,
and this conversation is being tape recorded.


28a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 28a

Yvette in the Billiard room, drinking cognac and listening
to a tape recorder that is recording.

GREEN (V.O.)
Point of order--tape recordings are not admissible evidence!


28b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28b

The study.

General confusion ensues.

WADSWORTH
Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about
(checks his watch)
forty-five minutes.
Tell them the truth, and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.

Mr. Boddy goes for the hall.
Wadsworth stops them.

WADSWORTH
Where are you going this time?

BODDY
I think I can help them make up their minds.
Can I just get my little bag from the hall?

Boddy exits.


28c -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 28c

The Hall.

Mr. Boddy gets his bags from by the front door.


28d -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28d

The study.

Mr. Boddy opens his luggage.

BODDY
Who can guess what's in here, eh?

WHITE
The evidence against us, no doubt.

Mr. Boddy chuckles.

He starts handing out boxes, each with a different size and shape.

SCARLET
We didn't know we were meeting you tonight.
Did you know you were meeting us?

BODDY
Oh, yes.

WHITE
What were you told, precisely?

BODDY
Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little . . .
financial arrangements. And if I did not appear,
Wadsworth would be informing the police about it all.
Naturally I could hardly resist putting in an appearance.

He finishes handing out the packages.

BODDY
(elbowing his way to the door)
'Scuse me.
(eyeing the packages)
Open 'em.

SCARLET
Why not?
I enjoy getting presents from strange men.

Scarlet opens her package.
A candlestick.

SCARLET
A candlestick? What's this for?

Mrs. White opens her box and reveals a rope-tied in a noose.

Mr. Green takes his box in one hand. He opens it and lets
the contents fall into his other hand.
A bent lead pipe.

Col. Mustard opens his box and pulls out . . .
a heavy wrench.

Prof. Plum takes the lid off his package and looks in.
He gingerly pulls out a revolver.

Finally, the camera reveals Mrs. Peacock, who is twirling
a dagger.

BODDY (O.S.)
In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon.

Mr. Boddy walks on camera and continues.

BODDY
If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated.
I'll see to that in court.
(pauses)
But . . . if one of you kills Wadsworth now . . .

Wadsworth's eyes widen in shock.

BODDY
 . . . no one but the seven of us will ever know.
He has the key to the front door, which he said would
only be opened over his dead body.
I suggest we take him up on that offer.

Mr. Boddy goes over to the light switch with deliberate ease.
He closes the door to the hall and sets his drink down.

BODDY
The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages
is for one of you to kill Wadsworth.
Now.

He turns off the lights.

We hear noises.
Someone inhales raspily.
A gunshot.
Something ceramic shatters.
A scream.

The lights go up.
Mrs. Peacock, who turned on the light, drops the dagger in shock.

The camera reveals Mr. Boddy lying prone on the floor.

MUSTARD
It's not Wadsworth!

The guests talk to each other.

PLUM
Stand back! Give him air!
(kneels next to Mr. Boddy)
Let me see.
(checks Mr. Boddy for signs of life)
He's dead!

WHITE
Who had the gun?

PLUM
I did.

PEACOCK
Then you shot him!

PLUM
I didn't!

PEACOCK
Well, you had the gun. If you didn't shoot him, who did?

Mr. Boddy is turned over.

PLUM
Nobody! Look, there's no gunshot wound.
Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark
and the gun went off.
Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel!

Everyone rushes for the mantel simultaneously, causing confusion.

MUSTARD
He's absolutely right. Look, there's a bullet hole here in the wall. See that?

Mr. Green grabs Prof. Plum by the lapels.

GREEN
How did he die?

PLUM
I don't know!
(shoves him away)
I'm not a forensic expert.

WHITE
Well, one of us must have killed him!

GREEN
Well, I didn't do it.

PEACOCK
Oh, I need a drink!

She goes to the door and gets Mr. Boddy's cognac.
She sips.

PLUM
(alarmed)
Maybe he was poisoned!

Mrs. Peacock drops the glass in revulsion and starts to scream.
She won't stop.

Mr. Green takes her to a sofa, offering words of comfort.
She sits, but won't stop screaming.

Mr. Green slaps her.

GREEN
I . . . I had to stop her from screaming . . .

PLUM
(to Green)
Was the brandy poisoned?

GREEN
I don't know.

SCARLET
(picks up the glass. All the cognac has spilled out)
Looks like we'll never know.

GREEN
Unless . . . unless she dies, too.

They all rush over to scrutinize Mrs. Peacock.

A scream erupts from another room!
The guests gasp.

They run from the study into the hall.


29 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 29

The guests run to the door of the billiard room.
Mr. Green tries it.

GREEN
It's locked!

WADSWORTH
Open up!

PLUM
It must be the murderer.

GREEN
Why would he scream?

WHITE
He must have a victim in there. Oh, my God! Yvette!

GREEN
Oh, my God!

The doors open.


30 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 30

The guests pour in.

WADSWORTH
You're alive!

YVETTE
No sanks to you!

WADSWORTH
What do you mean?

YVETTE
You lock me up with a murderer, you eediot!

WHITE
So the murderer is in this room.

YVETTE
Mai Oui!

GREEN
But where?

YVETTE
Where? 'Ere!

Mr. Green looks behind the door.

YVETTE
We are all looking at eem. Or 'er.
Is what Mrs. White said in ze study--one of you is ze killer!

PLUM
How did you know we said that?

YVETTE
I was lisuning!

WHITE
But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?

YVETTE
Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink ze cognac.
(sobbing)
Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself.

Miss Scarlet and Col. Mustard go to Yvette.

SCARLET
Come back to the study with us.

YVETTE
With ze murderer?

MUSTARD
(shaking the wrench)
There is safety in numbers . . .
(realizing and putting the wrench away)
. . . my dear.

The guests leave the room.
After they are gone, Wadsworth takes the tape off the spools.


31 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 31

GREEN
Is there no indication of how he died?

PLUM
No.

WADSWORTH
This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible! It's not what I'd intended.
Oh, my God . . .

WHITE
Not what YOU intended?

SCARLET
So you're not the butler?

WADSWORTH
I'm not THE butler, but I am A butler.
In fact, I was his butler.

PLUM
So if he told you to invite us all to his house, why did he arrive late?

WADSWORTH
I invited you. In fact, I wrote the letters.
It was all my idea.

WHITE
Wait a minute. I-I don't understand.
Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer?
Were you assisting him to blackmail us?

WADSWORTH
Certainly not!

WHITE
I think you had better explain.

WADSWORTH
Please sit down. Everyone.

Everyone sits but Mr. Green.
He searches for a spot, but no one gives it to him.
He ends up leaning against a serving table.

WADSWORTH
When I said that I was Mr. Boddy's butler,
this was both true and misleading.
I was once his butler,
but it was not his untimely death this evening
that brought my employment with him to an end.

MUSTARD
When did it come to an end?

WADSWORTH
When my wife decided to . . . end her life.
She too was being blackmailed by this odious man who now
lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason that
he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly . . .
 . . . un-American.

Mr. Green's serving table gives way, landing him (and
several pieces of crystal) on the floor.

GREEN
Sorry.

WADSWORTH
For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a senator
to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take
advantage of his patients, for a wife to emasculate her
husband and . . . and . . . so forth.

GREEN
But this is ridiculous!
If he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us
to the authorities?

WADSWORTH
He decided to put his information to good use
and make a little money out of it.
What could be more American than that?

Several nods.

PLUM
And what was your role in all this?

WADSWORTH
I was . . . a victim, too.
At least my wife was.
She had friends who were . . .
(this is obviously painful for him)
 . . . Socialists.

Gasps and muttering from several guests,
the most vocal of whom is Mrs. Peacock.

WADSWORTH
(holding back tears)
Well, we all make mistakes . . .

(Mrs. White pulls a tissue from her bra and gives it to him.)

WADSWORTH
But Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the
House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them.
She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money,
and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing.
We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short--

MUSTARD
Too late.

WADSWORTH
--The suicide of my wife preyed on my mind,
and created a sense of injustice in me.
I resolved to put Mr. Boddy behind bars.
It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you
from the same burden of blackmail was to get everyone face to face,
confront Mr. Boddy with his crimes, and then . . .
 . . . turn him over to the police.

PLUM
So, everything is explained.

SCARLET
Nothing's explained. We still don't know who killed him!

WADSWORTH
Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes.
Before the police arrive!

PEACOCK
My God, we can't have them come here now--

GREEN
But . . . how can we possibly find out which of you did it?

PLUM
What do you mean which of "you" did it?

GREEN
Well, I didn't do it!

WADSWORTH
Well, one of us did.
We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.

SCARLET
Great. We'll all go to the chair.

PLUM
Maybe it wasn't one of us.

MUSTARD
Well, who else could it have been?

PLUM
Who else is in the house?

WADSWORTH and YVETTE
Only the (ze) cook.

ALL
The cook!


32 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 32

The party runs from the study to the Kitchen.


33 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 33

They all get stuck in the door, except for Mr. Green.
He steps down into the kitchen and looks around.

GREEN
Well. She's not here.

The door to the freezer starts to open.

Miss Scarlet screams.

The cook's body tumbles out into Mr. Green's arms.
She now has the dagger sticking out of her back.
Mrs. Ho was not (and is not) a light woman.
He is having difficulty holding her.

GREEN
I didn't do it!!
(pause)
Somebody help me, please?
(nobody moves)
Somebody help me, PLEASE?

Several guests go to help.

One of them reaches for the knife.

MUSTARD
Don't touch it. That's evidence.

WHITE
Not for us.
We have to find out who did this. We can't take fingerprints!

MUSTARD
(to Wadsworth)
I think you'd better explain yourself, Wadsworth.

WADSWORTH
Me? Why me?

GREEN
Who would want to kill the cook?

SCARLET
Dinner wasn't that bad.

MUSTARD
How can you make jokes at a time like this?

SCARLET
It's my defense mechanism.

MUSTARD
Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next.

(Several guests look shocked)

SCARLET
Oh?

(Uncomfortable silence)

MUSTARD
I said "if." "If"!
(pause)
Hey, come on.
There is only one admitted killer here, and it is certainly not me,
it is her!

He points at Mrs. White.

WHITE
I've admitted nothing.

MUSTARD
Well, you paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?

WHITE
Mine or other women's?

MUSTARD
Yours.

WHITE
Five.

MUSTARD
Five.

WHITE
Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex.
Soft, strong, and disposable.

MUSTARD
You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies!

WHITE
Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

MUSTARD
Right!

(Again, he realizes what he just said)

MUSTARD
Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?
Who had the dagger, anyway?
It was you, Mrs. Peacock, wasn't it?

PEACOCK
Yes, but I put it down.

PLUM
Where?

PEACOCK
In the study.

PLUM
When?

PEACOCK
I don't know!
Before I fainted, after I fainted, I don't know!
But any of you could have picked it up.

WADSWORTH
Hmm.
Look. I suggest we take the cook's body into the study.

MUSTARD
Why?

WADSWORTH
I'm the butler. I like to keep the kitchen tidy.


34 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 34

The camera faces the door that leads from the study to the hall.
The men are carrying the cook's body into the study,
effectively blocking off the women's view.

PLUM
(dropping Mrs. Ho and pointing)
Look!

WADSWORTH and GREEN
What?

PLUM
The body's gone!

Mrs. Ho is dropped.

PEACOCK
What are you all staring at?

GREEN
Nothing . . .

PEACOCK
Well, who's there?

MUSTARD
Nobody.

WADSWORTH
Nobody. No Boddy, that's what we mean.
Mr. Boddy's body. It's gone.

WHITE
Maybe he wasn't dead.

PLUM
He was.

SCARLET
We should have made sure!

PEACOCK
How? By cutting his head off, I suppose.

WHITE
That wasn't called for.

SCARLET
Where is he?

PLUM
We better look for him.

They look around.

GREEN
Well . . . he couldn't have been dead.

PLUM
He was.
At least I thought he was.
But . . . what difference does it make now?

SCARLET
It makes quite a difference to him.
Maybe there is life after death.

WHITE
Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

GREEN
Maybe Mr. Boddy killed the cook!

SCARLET and WHITE
Yes!

WADSWORTH
How?

Mr. Green is at a loss.

PEACOCK
Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to, um . . .
(to Yvette)
Is there a little girls' room?

YVETTE
Oui, oui, madame.

PEACOCK
No, I just want to powder my nose, thank you.

Yvette is bewildered.
Mrs. Peacock steps over Mrs. Ho's corpse into the hall.

Miss Scarlet, wandering around, picks up something.

SCARLET
What's this, Wadsworth?

WADSWORTH
I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.

MUSTARD
(Going for them)
Oh, my God!

SCARLET
Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?

WADSWORTH
Certainly not!
I'd obtained them for the Colonel, and I was going to give
them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked.

SCARLET
Mmmm . . . very pretty.
Would you like to see these, Yvette? They might shock you . . .

YVETTE
No, merci. I am a lay-dee.

SCARLET
Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are
if you're such a "lay-dee"?

PLUM
What sort of pictures are they?

MUSTARD
They are my pictures, and I'd like them back, please.

SCARLET
No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me too.

Prof. Plum snatches the pictures and holds them up to the light.

PLUM
Let me see . . .

WHITE
(looking)
Oh, my.
Nobody can get into that position.

PLUM
(putting the pictures down)
Sure they can. Let me show you.

Plum starts to demonstrate with Mrs. White on the couch.

WHITE
Get off me!


35 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--REAR -- 35

Mrs. Peacock opens the door to the bathroom.
She screams.
Mr. Boddy's body falls out and lands in her outstretched arms.
He is almost certainly dead now; his head is bloody.

The party runs out to help her.

PLUM
Mr. Boddy!

GREEN
He's attacking her!

They pull the corpse off Mrs. Peacock.

WHITE
Well, he's dead.

WADSWORTH
Mr. Boddy. Dead. Again.

PEACOCK
(fanning herself)
Oh, my God . . .

WADSWORTH
She's going to faint.

PLUM
Somebody catch her!

WADSWORTH
(going behind Mrs. Peacock and encircling her with his arms)
I'll catch you. Fall into my arms.
(she slips right through)
Sorry . . .

WHITE
(looking at Mr. Green)
You've got blood on your hands . . .

GREEN
(panicking)
I didn't do it!

WADSWORTH
He's got new injuries.

He picks up Mr. Boddy's arm and lets it fall again.

WADSWORTH
Well, he's certainly dead now.
Why would anyone want to kill him twice?

SCARLET
It seems so unnecessary.

MUSTARD
It's what we call "overkill."

PLUM
It's what we call "psychotic."

GREEN
Unless he wasn't dead before.

PLUM
What's the difference?

WADSWORTH
(shouting)
That's what we're trying to find out!
We're trying to find out who killed him, and where, and with what!

PLUM
There's no need to shout!

WADSWORTH
(even louder)
I'm not shouting!!
All right, I am.
I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shout--

At which point the candlestick, which had been nestled above
the bathroom door, falls and hits him on the head.

Wadsworth hits the floor.


36 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 36

Mrs. Peacock has evidently recovered somewhat.

The women are taking the heavier Mrs. Ho into the room,
the men have the lighter Mr. Boddy.

The guests make groans of exertion.

Col. Mustard is issuing orders.

MUSTARD
Okay, put the corpses on the sofa.
(pause)
Ladies first.

More sounds of exertion.

They plop Mr. Ho on the sofa.

Wadsworth enters, holding ice to his head.

WADSWORTH
Careful, don't get blood on the sofa.

YVETTE
How do we do sis? Ze dagger will go furzer into 'er back.

MUSTARD
Tip her forward, over the arm.

They do so.

MUSTARD
Now Mr. Boddy.

More sounds of exertion.
Col. Mustard nods.

Prof. Plum is stuck on the couch between the two corpses.
Rather than move, he decides to make himself comfortable.

MUSTARD
Now. Who--
(he closes Mr. Boddy's staring eyes)
Who had access to the candlestick?

WHITE
It was given to you.

SCARLET
Yeah, but I dropped it on the table.
Anyone could have picked it up. You . . . him . . .

Wadsworth starts going around the room, picking up the weapons.

WADSWORTH
Look. We still have all these weapons. The gun, the rope,
the wrench, the lead pipe.
Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it.
There's a homicidal maniac about!

He locks the weapons in the cupboard.
Everyone states their approval.

GREEN
What are you doing with the key?

WADSWORTH
Putting it in my pocket.

GREEN
Why?

WADSWORTH
Well, to keep it safe, obviously.

PEACOCK
That means that you can open it, whenever you want.

WADSWORTH
But it also means that you can't.
  
PEACOCK
But what if you're the murderer?
  
WADSWORTH
I'm not.
  
MUSTARD
But what if you are?!
  
WADSWORTH
Well, it's got to be put somewhere.
If I've got it, I know I'm safe.
  
PEACOCK
We don't know that WE are!
  
WADSWORTH
I've an idea. We'll throw it away!
  
The party agrees.
  
  
37 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--FOYER -- 37
  
Wadsworth opens the door and prepares to throw the key out.
  
Waiting outside the door is a MAN, who ducks, thinking
Wadsworth is about to hit him.
The butler quickly recovers and pockets the key.
The rest of the party runs up behind him.

WADSWORTH
Sorry . . .
Sorry . . . (laughs nervously)
Can we help?

MAN
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb the whole household, but . . .
my car broke down out here,
and I was wondering if I could use your phone.

WADSWORTH
Just a moment, please.

The party huddles together and discusses it.
The MOTORIST looks rather confused.

After a time, the group turns to the Motorist.

WADSWORTH
Very well, sir.
Would you care to come in?

MOTORIST
Well? Where is it?

WADSWORTH
What, the body?

MOTORIST
The phone. What body?

WADSWORTH
Well, there's no body. There's nobody. There's nobody in the study.

PARTY
No!

WADSWORTH
But I think there's a phone in the lounge.

MOTORIST
Thank you.


38 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 38

Wadsworth leads the Motorist inside and indicates the phone.

WADSWORTH
When you've finished your call,
perhaps you'd be good enough to wait here.

It is not a question.

MOTORIST
Certainly.

Wadsworth exits the lounge.


39 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 39

Wadsworth closes the door to the lounge and locks it.
Col. Mustard comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Wadsworth yells in fright.

MUSTARD
Where's the key?

WADSWORTH
In my pocket.

PLUM
Not that key; the key to the cupboard with the weapons!

WADSWORTH
Do you still wish me to throw it away?

ALL
Yes!!


40 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT -- 40

Wadsworth takes the key from his pocket and throws it.
We see it land on the cement and bounce into the foliage.


41 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 41

Wadsworth closes the door.

WADSWORTH
Well. What now?

WHITE
(holding her hand out)
Wadsworth, let me out.

WADSWORTH
No.

WHITE
Why not?

WADSWORTH
We've got to know who did it. We're all in this together, now.

PEACOCK
If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.

General agreement among the guests.

Mrs. White rubs against Wadsworth.

WHITE
Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.
One day, when we're alone together . . .

WADSWORTH
Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together
with you.

MUSTARD
Well, I could use a drink!

General agreement again.

Col. Mustard goes to the study and looks in.

MUSTARD
Just checking.

PEACOCK
Everything all right?

MUSTARD
Yup. Two corpses. Everything's fine.


42 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 42

Col. Mustard is pouring himself a tall glass of whiskey.

MUSTARD
Anybody else want a whiskey?

SCARLET
Yeah.

Col. Mustard fills three other glasses at once,
spilling the drink over the table.

MUSTARD
All right, look. Pay attention, everybody.
(to Wadsworth)
Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?

WADSWORTH
Mmm, no.

MUSTARD
Then there IS someone else in this house?

WADSWORTH
No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."

MUSTARD
"'No,' meaning 'yes'"?
Look, I want a straight answer.
Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?

WADSWORTH
Um, no.

MUSTARD
"No," there IS, or "no," there ISN'T?

WADSWORTH
Yes.

Mrs. White breaks her glass against the fireplace.

WHITE
(exasperated)
Please!!
Don't you think we should get that man out of the house
before he finds out what's been going on here?

She tosses the remains of her glass into the air.
It shatters on the hearth.

SCARLET
Yeah!

PLUM
How can we throw him outside in this weather?

SCARLET
If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.

PLUM
If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.

MUSTARD
If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.

PEACOCK
(at wit's end)
Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay,
locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then,
and there are two dead bodies in the study!!

ALL
Shhhh!

MUSTARD
Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's
anybody else in this house.

WADSWORTH
I told you, there isn't.

MUSTARD
There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.

WADSWORTH
Either. Or both.

MUSTARD
Just give me a clear answer!

WADSWORTH
Certainly!
(pause)
What was the question?

MUSTARD
Is there anybody else in the house?!

ALL
No!!

MUSTARD
That's what he says, but does he know?
I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion.
We split up, and search the house.

PEACOCK
Split up!

MUSTARD
Yes. We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.

PLUM
Pairs?

MUSTARD
Yes.

PLUM
Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer?
If we split up into pairs,
whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!

MUSTARD
Then we would have discovered who the murderer is!

PEACOCK
But the other half of the pair would be dead!

MUSTARD
This is war, Peacock! Casualties are inevitable.
You cannot without breaking eggs--every cook will tell you that.

PEACOCK
But look what happened to the cook!

GREEN
Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?

MUSTARD
What choice have we?

SCARLET
None.

GREEN
I suppose you're right.

YVETTE
Bon decor.
But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of ze dark.
Will anyone go wiz me?

PLUM
I will.

MUSTARD
I will.

GREEN
No, thank you.

WADSWORTH
I suggest we all draw lots, for partners.

He takes long matchsticks from near the fireplace.


43 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 43

Wadsworth is using a knife to cut the long matchsticks
into different lengths.

He prepares them in his hand so the matchs' lengths can't be seen.

WADSWORTH
Ready?
The two shortest together, the next two shortest together. Agreed?
And I suggest the two shortest search the cellar, and so on, up.

The guests approach the butler.

Col. Mustard picks a matchstick. It's relatively short.
Mrs. Peacock picks hers.
Mustard and Peacock compare. His is longer.

Miss Scarlet picks her matchstick with a jerk.
Mr. Green reaches over Miss Scarlet's shoulder and gets his
matchstick. It is one of the uncut sticks.
Col. Mustard and Mr. Green compare. It's not even close.

Yvette selects her stick. It's another long one.

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet compare.
They match, putting them together on the ground floor.
Miss Scarlet looks disgusted.

Mrs. White selects hers.

In the background, the party tries to match sticks.

Prof. Plum picks his matchstick.

Wadsworth takes what is left.
Mrs. White steps up to Wadsworth and pairs his matchstick.
They're going to the second floor.

Prof. Plum walks by Yvette and a distraught Mr. Green,
who are going to the attic together.

Plum matches cellar matchsticks with Mrs. Peacock.

PLUM
It's you and me, honey bunch.

PEACOCK
Oh, God . . .


44 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 44

We see the party as it splits up.
Wadsworth and Mrs. White start up the stairs,
as do Mr. Green and Yvette.

Prof. Plum and Mrs. Peacock stop, unsure of where to go.
Wadsworth pauses on a step and indicates the door
under the staircase.

WADSWORTH
The cellar.

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet stop in the middle of the Hall.

MUSTARD
Well, we know what's in the study, we've just come from the
library, and the stranger's locked up in the lounge--

SCARLET
Let's go look in the billiard room again.

They go to the Billiard Room.

Prof. Plum opens the door to the cellar.
Mrs. Peacock reaches in and turns on the light.
They enter cautiously.


45 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--HALLWAY -- 45

The storm is still around Hill House,
visible from a second-story window.

Wadsworth and Mrs. White walk down the hallway as
Mr. Green and Yvette start climbing the stairs to the attic.

We hear thunder and rain.


46 -- INT. ATTIC -- 46

Darkness.
We don't know exactly where we are.

Suddenly, a light turns on.

We see Mr. Green and Yvette, at the bottom of the attic staircase.
Both of them are terrified of what may be above them.

Silence.

GREEN
Do you want to go up in front of me?

YVETTE
Absolutely no.

GREEN
I'm sure there's no one up there.

YVETTE
Zen you go een fron.

GREEN
All right . . .

Neither move.

We hear nothing but the rain on the roof.


47 -- INT. CELLAR--STAIRCASE -- 47

Darkness.
We barely see Mrs. Peacock and Prof. Plum backlit,
at the top of the stairs.

They edge down.

Mrs. Peacock gasps.

PLUM
Well . . . Ladies first.

PEACOCK
No, no. You can go first.

PLUM
No, no, no, I insist.

PEACOCK
No, I insist.

PLUM
Well, what are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?

PEACOCK
No, just death. Isn't that enough?


48 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--HALLWAY -- 48

Mrs. White and Wadsworth are at the doors of two adjacent rooms.
They are looking at each other nervously.

WADSWORTH
Are you going in there?

WHITE
Yes, are you?

WADSWORTH
Yes.

Pause.

WADSWORTH
Right!

WHITE
Right.

They look in.

WADSWORTH
Um, I don't see any light switches in there.

WHITE
Well, neither do I, but there must be switches somewhere.

WADSWORTH
Shall I come in with you?

WHITE
No!
(recovers)
I mean . . . no, thank you.

They start into their rooms and then jump out simultaneously,
looking for the other.


49 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 49

Col. Mustard and Miss Peacock are in back of the corner bar.
They're stooping to look in.
They stand and Col. Mustard indicates the bar's narrow egress.

MUSTARD
Ladies first.

SCARLET
No, thanks.

They both head for the exit, and they have to squeeze through--
it's a very tight fit.

Col. Mustard walks past Miss Scarlet,
who is sure to keep him in sight.
He grabs a pool cue from the wall.
She gives a little gasp.

Col. Mustard walks over to the pool table and motions with the
stick to look under it.

They do.
There's nothing there.


50 -- INT. ATTIC-- 50

Mr. Green and Yvette are still where they were;
at the bottom of the steps.
We hear rain.

YVETTE
Go'n. I be right behind you.

GREEN
That's why I'm nervous.

YVETTE
Zen we go togezer.

The two squeeze up the narrow steps.


51 -- INT. CELLAR -- 51

Mrs. Peacock and Prof. Plum are still inching down the stairs.
Mrs. Peacock turns on the lights as Prof. Plum slips on a step.
This frightens Mrs. Peacock, who runs dow the remaining few steps.

PEACOCK
Stay there!


52 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--FOYER -- 52

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet throw open the closet door.
Nothing there.


53 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--MASTER BEDROOM -- 53

Wadsworth is wandering in the dark.

WADSWORTH
(nervously)
If there's anybody in here, just look out!


54 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--BEDROOM -- 54

Mrs. White is wandering like Wadsworth.

WHITE
(nervously)
Are you hiding? I'm coming . . .


55 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BALL ROOM -- 55

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet are backlit.
We see the hall behind them.

MUSTARD
What room's this?

SCARLET
Search me.

MUSTARD
All right.

He starts to frisk her.

SCARLET
(threateningly)
Get your mitts off me.

He does.


56 -- INT. CELLAR -- 56

Mrs. Peacock sees a rat and screams.
The rat crawls away.
Prof. Plum tenses, but starts to look around.


57 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BALL ROOM -- 57

Col. Mustard flips on the lights, making Miss Scarlet gasp.

MUSTARD
Nobody here.

SCARLET
He's behind one of those curtains . . . ?

She points to the curtains at the far end of the Ball room.

MUSTARD
You look. I'll go search the kitchen.

Col. Mustard leaves.

Miss Scarlet sighs.

She starts to walk--slowly--toward the curtains.
The curtains almost seem to be moving, but it just could
be her imagination.

Then--there is definite movement off to the right.

Scarlet stops in her tracks, trying to scream but unable to.

She continues cautiously.

Scarlet reaches the curtains, pauses . . .
and throws them back, revealing . . . 
A broken window with wind blowing in.


58 -- EXT. ROADSIDE -- 58

It is still raining.

We see the Motorist's car on the side of the road.
A cop car pulls up to investigate.


59 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 59

We see photographs and papers, as well as the tapes of the
conversation Yvette was making earlier.

A gloved hand picks them up.

The hand throws the photos and papers into the fire.
Then the tape goes in. It all burns.

The hand now uses a key to unlock the cupboard with the
weapons. But wasn't that key thrown away?

The weapons are revealed.


60 -- INT. MOTORIST'S CAR -- 60

The camera reveals a COP, shining his flashlight into the car.


60a -- EXT. ROADSIDE -- 60a

As before.
We see the Cop shining his flashlight into the car.


61 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 61

The Motorist is making his phone call.

MOTORIST
I'm a little nervous . . .

The camera reveals the Lounge's fireplace, which is swiveling around.

MOTORIST
 . . . I'm in this big house, and I've been locked into the lounge.
(pauses)
Yes.

The next statements are intercut with the wrench approaching the Motorist.

MOTORIST
The funny thing is,
there's a whole group of people here having some sort of party.
And one of them is my old boss from--

The wrench descends.

The phone falls to the floor, then the Motorist follows suit.

A gloved hand places the phone back on its cradle.


62 -- EXT. ROADSIDE -- 62

The Cop shines his flashlight on the car's license plate,
then underneath the car.
He walks away.


63 --INT. GROUND FLOOR--CONSERVATORY -- 63

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet stand in the doorway,
backlit by the Hall.
Rain can still be heard, but no lightning.

Col. Mustard switches on the lights.
The two look around.
The Conservatory is dilapidated. There is dust and cobwebs all
around--it obviously hasn't been used for some time.

Miss Scarlet walks to the outer wall of windows.
Rain pours down them.

Col. Mustard walks to one side and picks up something.
He then takes a rag and wipes his hands off.
While doing so, he leans against the wall, and it swings open!
He falls down, but quickly gets up.

MUSTARD
Looks like a secret passage.

SCARLET
Should we see where it leads?

MUSTARD
What the hell. I'll go first--I've had a good life.


64 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--CONSERVATORY/LOUNGE SECRET PASSAGE -- 64

The secret passage is narrow, and the floor is uneven.
Miss Scarlet trips and yells in surprise.

SCARLET
Oh, God.

MUSTARD
It's all right.


65 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 65

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet emerge from behind the still-rotated fireplace.

They see the Motorist's corpse.

SCARLET
Oh, my God!

The fireplace slides shut behind them.

Scarlet panics--she starts yelling.


66 -- INT. ATTIC -- 66

Mr. Green and Yvette can faintly hear Miss Scarlet's yells.


67 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 67

Scarlet and Mustard run to the double doors. They're locked.
Now both are yelling.


68 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--HALLWAY -- 68

Wadsworth and Mrs. White run for the staircase.


68a -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--ATTIC STAIRCASE--BASE -- 68a

Mr. Green and Yvette run down from the attic.


68b -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--HALLWAY -- 68b

The four people collide and go sprawling.


69 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 69

Miss Scarlet and Col. Mustard are still banging at the door.
And screaming.


70 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--HALLWAY/THE HALL -- 70

The four upstairs untangle themselves. Wadsworth and Mr. Green
run down the stairs followed by Yvette and Mrs. White.

WADSWORTH
Where's it coming from?

GREEN
Where are we going?

They make it to the ground floor just as Prof. Plum and
Mrs. Peacock emerge from the cellar.

WHITE
Where are they?

WADSWORTH
The lounge!

Wadsworth tries the door. It's locked.

PLUM
The door's locked!

GREEN
(impatiently)
I know . . .

PLUM
Then unlock it!

GREEN
Where's the key?

Wadsworth searches his pockets.

WADSWORTH
The key is gone!!

PLUM
Never mind about the key! Unlock the door!

Mr. Green grabs Prof. Plum and begins to shake him.

GREEN
I can't unlock the door without the key!

Green releases the Professor and bangs on the door.

GREEN
Let us in! Let us in!


70a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 70a

SCARLET and MUSTARD
Let us out! Let us out!


70b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 70b

WADSWORTH
It's no good. Stand back.

He backs up all the way across the hall to the study door.

WADSWORTH
There's no alternative. I'm just going to have to break it down!

The butler runs at full speed for the door.
He hits it and falls to the floor, holding his shoulder.

Yvette gets an idea.

YVETTE
I know! I have eet!


70c -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 70c

The two in the lounge are still yelling.


70d -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 70d

PEACOCK
Will you shut up? . . .


70e -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 70e

Yvette grabs the revolver from the open cupboard.

PEACOCK (O.S.)
 . . . We're doing our best!


70f -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 70f

Yvette runs out of the study and trips over the still-sprawled Wadsworth.
The shot goes wild, hitting the chandelier rope.

Mr. Green and Prof. Plum hit the deck.

The chandelier stars spinning.

Mrs. Peacock and Mrs. White run into each other.


70g -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 70g

Mustard and Scarlet are crouched down.

MUSTARD
They're shooting at us . . .


70h -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 70h

Panic continues.
The chandelier continues to spin, and the rope is fraying,
unbeknownst to the party.

Yvette stands and aims at the Lounge lock.

Plum and Green, who had started to get up, hit the floor again.

Yvette fires twice. Both shots hit the door lock.


70i -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LOUNGE 70i

Col. Mustard turns away from the door, holding his shoulder.

MUSTARD
I've been shot . . .


71 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 71

MUSTARD (O.S.)
 . . . I've been shot!

YVETTE
Come out!
The door eez open!

She lowers the gun, so it is carelessly pointing in the direction of
Prof. Plum and Mr. Green. They scramble out of the way.

The lounge door opens and a (miraculously unwounded) 
Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet emerge.

MUSTARD
(angrily, to Yvette)
Why are you shooting that thing at us?

YVETTE
To get joo out.

He shoves her.

MUSTARD
You know, you could have killed us!
I could've been killed!

Shot of the chandelier, spinning ever more quickly.
The rope is almost completely frayed.

MUSTARD
I can't take any more scares.

The rope snaps.

The chandelier lands three feet in back of Col. Mustard.

Mustard is in shock. He collapses onto a love seat.

SCARLET
(pointing into the lounge, almost hysterical)
But look!

The party runs across the room, crushing glass as they go.

PEACOCK
(accusatory)
Which one of you did it?

SCARLET
We found him! Together!

WHITE
How did you get in?

GREEN
The door was locked.

WHITE
It's a great trick!

SCARLET
There's a secret passageway from the conservatory.

PLUM
(to Yvette)
Is that the same gun?

PEACOCK
From the cupboard?

PLUM
But it was locked!

YVETTE
No, eet was oonlocked!

GREEN, PLUM, and WADSWORTH
Unlocked?

YVETTE
But, yes. See for yourself!

The party runs into the lounge.
On the way, Yvette tosses the revolver under the broken chandelier.


72 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 72

The guests pile in and see that the cupboard has indeed been opened.

PEACOCK
How did you know it was unlocked?
How did you know that you could get at the gun?

YVETTE
I didn't.
I sink--I would bray kit open bud it was open alreddy.

PEACOCK
A likely story.

The doorbell rings.

CUT TO

Shot of the doorbell ringing.

CUT TO

The guests freezing in place.

SCARLET
Maybe they'll just go away.

CUT TO

The doorbell. It is still.

CUT TO

The guests, still frozen.

The doorbell rings again.

CUT TO

The doorbell ringing.

CUT TO

The guests, quite disappointed.

GREEN
I'm going to open it.

SCARLET
Why?!

GREEN
I have nothing to hide! I didn't do it!
(holding his hand out to Wadsworth)
The key.

Wadsworth hands the key to Mr. Green.

GREEN
Thank you . . .

Mr. Green strides into the hall, followed by the rest of the party.


73 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--FOYER -- 73

Mr. Green opens the door, revealing the Cop.

COP
Good evening, sir.

The door closes in the Cop's face.


74 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--PORCH--VIEW INSIDE -- 74

The door reopens.

GREEN
Yes?

COP
I found an abandoned car down near the gates of this house.
Did the driver come in here for any help, by any chance?

Everyone but Mr. Green insists that that was not the case.

GREEN
Well, actually, yes.

ALL but GREEN
No.

COP
There seems to be some kind of disagreement.

Everyone but Mr. Green again disagrees.

GREEN
Yes.

COP
(quite confused now)
Uh, can I come in and use your phone?

Wadsworth steps to the front door.

WADSWORTH
Of course you may, sir.
You may use the one in the, um, no . . .
Uh, you could use the one in the st-- no . . .
Would you be kind enough to wait in the um, in the, em, library?

COP
(very confused)
Sure.


75 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 75

The Cop sees Yvette.

COP
(to Yvette)
Don't I know you from someplace?

The maid shrugs.

COP
(to group)
You all seem to be very anxious about something.

WADSWORTH
It's the chandelier. It fell down. Almost killed us.
Would you like to come this way, please, sir?

Miss Scarlet closes the door to the study suddenly
and attempts to look nonchalant.
The Cop whirls at the sound.
Professor Plum does the same to the lounge door.
The Cop whirls again.

WADSWORTH
Frightfully drafty, these old houses.


76 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 76

Wadsworth leads the Cop in and indicates the phone.

WADSWORTH
Please help yourself to a drink, if you'd like.

The Cop reaches for the cognac.

WADSWORTH
Not the cognac. Just in case.

The butler exists and closes the door.

COP
Just in case of what?


77 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 77

Wadsworth locks the door and turns to the assembled guests.

WADSWORTH
(whispering)
What now?


77a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 77a

The Cop tries the door handle. It is, of course, locked.


77b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 77b

GREEN
We should have told him.

PEACOCK
Oh, very well for you to say that now.

GREEN
(defensively)
I said it then!

ALL
Oh, shut up!

WADSWORTH
(indicating the shattered chandelier)
Let's clean this up.


78 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 78

The Cop pauses at the door, then walks over to the phone.
He reaches for it, but it rings before he picks it up.
He answers the phone.

COP
Hello?


78a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 78a

All are still.

WADSWORTH
Maybe the cop answered it . . .


78b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 78b

COP
And who shall I say is calling?
(pauses)
Ah . . . will you hold on, please?

The Cop strides over to the library doors.

COP
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here, you have no right to shut me in!
I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment,
and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty!
And murder!


79 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 79

The door opens.
The party stands there, Wadsworth with broom in hand.

WADSWORTH
What do you mean . . . "murder"?

COP
I just said it so you'd open the door.

The guests sigh and laugh nervously.

COP
What's going on around here? And why would you lock me in?
And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?

WADSWORTH
J. Edgar Hoover?

COP
That's right. The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

MUSTARD
Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?

WADSWORTH
I don't know.
He's on everybody else's, why shouldn't he be on mine?
(steps to the library door)
Excuse me.

Wadsworth enters, then closes and locks the door.

COP
What's going on here?

Miss Scarlet drapes herself on the Cop.

SCARLET
We're having a . . . party . . .

The guests laugh even more nervously than before.

COP
Mind if I look around?

SCARLET
Sure . . .
You can show him around, Mr. Green!

GREEN
Me?

SCARLET
Yes!
Uh, you can show him the . . .
 . . . dining room . . . the kitchen . . . the ball room . . .

GREEN
(stiffly)
Fine . . .
Fine . . . . Officer, um, come with me. I'll show you the . . . dining room . . .
 . . . or the kitchen . . . or the ball room . . .


80 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 80

The Cop raises the metal partition and looks into the kitchen.


81 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LOUNGE -- 81

SCARLET
 . . . make it look convincing.


82 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 81

GREEN
So! This is the dining room.

COP
No kidding.


83 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LOUNGE -- 83

SCARLET
Come on . . .


84 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 84

COP
What's going on in those two rooms?

GREEN
Uh . . . which two rooms?

The Cop pushes past him and enters the hall.


84a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 84a

A couple of guests run frantically across the Hall.
Just as they leave the room,
the Cop enters and points at the lounge and the study.

COP
Those two rooms.

GREEN
Oh . . . those two rooms . . .

COP
Yes!

Mr. Green is at a loss.
The Cop strides toward the study door.

Mr. Green blocks the Cop's path.

GREEN
Officer, I don't think you should go in there.

COP
Why not?

GREEN
Uh . . .

The Cop dodges around Mr. Green.
The guest blocks the door to the study with his body.

GREEN
Because it's . . . all too shocking!

The Cop throws Mr. Green aside.


85 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 85

Music can be heard in the background.
It's "Life Could Be a Dream," on a record player.

Mrs. White is on a couch on top of Mr. Boddy, using her hand to
move his arm against her and pretending to kiss him.

The Cop sees Col. Mustard and a woman apparently kissing against
the far wall, in a curtain.

The camera reveals that Mrs. Peacock is behind the curtain.
He hands are on Col. Mustard's back, but Mrs. Ho is propped up
between them.

COP
(to Mr. Green)
It's not all that shocking.
These folks are just having a good time.

The Cop leaves to the hall. Mr. Green is surprised.


86 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 86

Miss Scarlet pours a drink into the Motorist's mouth.
The Motorist is propped up in a chair, drink in hand.
The music can still be heard, but faintly.


87 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 87

Col. Mustard and Mrs. Peacock roll Mrs. Ho on to the couch.

PEACOCK
Oh, my God . . .


88 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 88

Just before the Cop enters, Prof. Plum takes Miss Scarlet on to
the couch and begins kissing her.
She has no choice but to follow his example.
The Cop comes in.

COP
Excuse me?

The two "lovers" get up with a start.

The Cop notices the Motorist.
He leans into the dead man's face and sniffs.

COP
(to Plum and Scarlet)
This man's drunk.
Dead drunk.

SCARLET
Dead right . . .

COP
(louder, to Motorist)
You're not going to drive home, are you?

PLUM
He won't be driving home, officer! I promise you that!

SCARLET
Yeah . . .

COP
Somebody will give him a lift, huh?

SCARLET
Oh, we'll . . . we'll . . . get him a car.

PLUM
A long black car.

SCARLET
(quickly)
A limousine.

Prof. Plum again lowers Miss Scarlet to the couch.
She gives off a little cry of surprise.


89 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 89

Wadsworth exits the library.
He leans against the door and sighs in thought.

The Cop and Mr. Green enter the Hall.
Wadsworth throws off his thoughts and walks to them.

WADSWORTH
Officer!

COP
You're too late--I've seen it all.

All during this conversation, Mr. Green is standing behind the Cop,
looking at Wadsworth. Green looks mystified, but relieved.

WADSWORTH
You have?
(pause)
I can explain everything.

COP
You don't have to.

WADSWORTH
I don't?

COP
Don't worry!
There's nothing illegal about any of this.

WADSWORTH
(confused)
Are you sure?

COP
Of course! This is America.

WADSWORTH
I see . . .

COP
(clapping Wadsworth on the shoulder)
It's a free country, don't you know that?

WADSWORTH
(still doesn't understand)
I didn't know it was THAT free.

The Cop glances back at Mr. Green, who tries to look innocent.

COP
(to Wadsworth)
May I use your phone now?

WADSWORTH
Certainly!

The butler leads the Cop to the library once again, and locks it.

The guests start to emerge into the Hall.

GREEN
Why did you lock him in again?

WADSWORTH
(whispering)
We haven't finished searching the house, yet.

PLUM
(whispering)
Well, we're running out of time.
Only fifteen minutes before the police come.

GREEN
(whispering fiercely)
The police already came!

ALL
(whispering fiercely)
Shut up!!

WADSWORTH
Let's get on with it!

YVETTE
(to Mr. Green)
Monsieur?

The guests again split up to search the house as the music continues.


90 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 90

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet enter.
Col. Mustard suddenly opens a door, only to have
an ironing board hit him in the head.
Miss Scarlet opens the door to the freezer. She grasps one of
the meathooks.
It turns in her grip and reveals another secret passage in
the back of the freezer.
She gives a cry of surprise.

SCARLET
Look!
I can't believe it. I wonder where this one goes.

MUSTARD
Well, let's find out.

They step in.


91 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 91

The music still continues.

Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlet swing aside a large painting and
enter the room from the secret passage.

They shrug.

MUSTARD
Let's try the ball room again.


92 -- INT. ATTIC -- 92

Mr. Green and Yvette are still poking around in the attic.


93 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--CELLAR STEPS--TOP -- 93

The camera reveals a gloved hand pulling a lever down.
All electricity is shut off. The lights go out instantly,
and the music stops.


94 -- INT. CELLAR--BOILER ROOM -- 94

Mrs. Peacock, in the darkness, backs up into the boiler.
She thinks it's a person, perhaps Prof. Plum, and starts
to hit it with her handbag.

PEACOCK
Ahh!
Don't you touch me!


95 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--MASTER BEDROOM -- 95

A gust of wind blows in, shutting a door.
Wadsworth yells in fright.


96 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--BEDROOM -- 96

Mrs. White screams.


97 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--STAIRCASE -- 97

Yvette is descending the stairs quietly.

Mrs. White's scream can still be heard.


98 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 98

The Cop is on the phone.

COP
Hello? Hello?


99 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 99

Yvette enters quietly.

An off-screen voice can be heard.
It can't be identified, even as being male or female.
The first line sounds male, the second female.

VOICE
Shut the door.
Did anyone recognize you?

Suddenly, Yvette's French accent is gone.

YVETTE
They must have. And not just my face.
They know every inch of my body.
And they're not the only ones . . .

A noose flies onto Yvette's neck!

YVETTE
(gasping)
It's you!


100 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 100

The Cop is still on the phone.

COP
(whispering into phone)
There's something funny going on around here.
I don't know what it is . . .

The camera reveals the door handle being silently opened.

COP
No, I'm not on duty.
But I have a feeling that I'm in danger.
You know that big, ugly house on top--

The lead pipe comes down softly on the phone cradle, cutting the
connection off.

We can see the pipe being raised behind the Cop's head.

COP
Hello? Hello?
Are you there?


101 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 101

The doorbell is ringing.


102 -- VIEWS OF THE GUESTS' FACES -- 102


103 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--VIEW OUTSIDE -- 103

The front door opens.
A young woman is outside. She is dressed in a uniform, and
strikes a pose as the door opens.

SINGING TELEGRAM GIRL
(singing)
I . . . am . . . your singing telegram--

The gun fires.

She falls to the ground.

The door slams shut.


104 -- INT. ATTIC--REAR ROOM -- 104

Mr. Green, trying to get out, opens a closet.
Its contents fall on him.


105 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--BEDROOM -- 105

A jack-in-the-box springs open, frightening Mrs. White.
She screams.


106 -- INT. SECOND FLOOR--MASTER BEDROOM -- 106

Mrs. White's unintelligible yells can be heard.

WADSWORTH
(yelling)
Shouting!
I'm coming!
I'm just trying to find the door!

Wadsworth enters another part of the Master bedroom.

WADSWORTH
Coming . . .

He grasps a handle.

WADSWORTH
What's this?
I'm at the door?

He twists the handle, starting the shower.
He is promptly very wet.


107 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--STAIRCASE -- 107

A very wet Wadsworth sloshes down the steps.
He goes to the entrance to the cellar and pulls up the lever,
restoring electricity to Hill House.


108 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 108

The record player starts again,
taking several seconds to get up to speed.


109 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 109

The party (minus Yvette) slowly reassembles in the Hall.

The song ends.


110 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 110

The camera reveals the guests looking in from the Hall.
They see Yvette's corpse sprawled on the pool table,
still with the noose on her neck, and they walk off.


111 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 111

The camera reveals the guests looking in from the Hall.
They see the Cop's corpse hung over a table.
The guests stand at the door.

GREEN
Two murders.

Prof. Plum enters the library and picks up the lead pipe.

PLUM
Neither of them shot.
I thought I heard a gun.

WHITE
I did.

PEACOCK
So did I.

SCARLET
I thought I heard the front door slam!

MUSTARD
Oh, God . . .
The murderer must have run out.

The guests run toward the front door.


112 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--PORCH -- 112

The guests open the door, seeing the singing telegram girl's body.
It has a bullet hole neatly through the forehead.

WADSWORTH
Three murders.

GREEN
Six, all together.

WADSWORTH
This is getting serious.

They close the door and lock it.


113 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 113

The guests walk onto the main floor.

WADSWORTH
No gun. Yvette dropped it here.
(declaring)
Very well . . . I know who did it.

ALL
(incredulously)
You do?

WADSWORTH
And furthermore, I'm going to tell you how it was all done.
Follow me.

He walks to the library. The guests follow.


114 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 114

Wadsworth addresses the assembled guests.

WADSWORTH
In order to help you understand what happened,
I shall need to take you through the events of the evening,
step by step.
At the start of the evening, Yvette was here, by herself,
waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne.
I was in the Hall.
(pauses)
I know, because I was there.
Then, I hurried across to the kitchen.

He waves for the guests to follow him.


115 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 115

Wadsworth is running into the kitchen, the guests following.

WADSWORTH
And the cook was in here, alive, sharpening knives,
preparing for dinner. And then . . .


116 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 116

Wadsworth springs up to the front door, the guests following closely.
He proceeds to act out events.

WADSWORTH
And the doorbell rang . . .
(to Col. Mustard)
And it was you!

MUSTARD
Yes . . .

WADSWORTH
(breathlessly)
I asked you for your coat, and I recognized you as Colonel Mustard
and I prevented you from telling your real name because I didn't want
any of you to use any name other than your pseudonym and I
introduced myself to you as a butler and I ran across the Hall
to the library!

He does so, with the confused guests in tow.


117 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 117

Wadsworth imitates everything he describes.

WADSWORTH
And then Yvette met you . . . and smiled . . .
(he smiles)
 . . . and poured you a drink.

He runs for the Hall.


118 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--FOYER -- 118

Wadsworth heads for the front door.

WADSWORTH
(still breathless)
And the doorbell rang! And it was Mrs. White, looking pale and tragic,
and I took her coat, and made off!

They head for the library again.


119 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 119

WADSWORTH
And I introduced to Colonel Mustard.
(imitating them)
Hello. Hello.
And I noticed that Mrs. White and Yvette . . . flinched!
Then . . . there was a rumble of thunder, and a crash of lightning.

He demonstrates.

WADSWORTH
And, to make a long story short--

ALL
Too late.

WADSWORTH
--one by one, you all arrived.


120 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 120

Wadsworth grabs the gong mallet.

WADSWORTH
And then the gong was struck by the cook!

He does so.

WADSWORTH
And we went into the dining room!


121 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 121

Wadsworth goes around the table, indicating chairs.

WADSWORTH
(breathless)
And Mrs. Peacock sat here, and Professor Plum sat here . . .
(acts as if slurping soup)
and Mrs. White sat here . . .
(imitates them slurping soup)
and Mr. Green, Miss Scarlet, Colonel Mustard.
This chair (indicates the head) was vacant.
Anyway, we all revealed we'd all received a letter.
(points at various chairs)
And you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter--

ALL
Get on with it!!

WADSWORTH
The point is--blackmail!

GREEN
But all this came out after dinner--in the study!

WADSWORTH
You're right!

He heads into the Hall.


122 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 122

The party runs across the Hall to the study.


123 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--STUDY -- 123

The butler rushes around the room, pointing at different locations.

WADSWORTH
Mr. Green stood here, and Mrs. Peacock here, and Miss Scarlet
here, and Professor Plum here, and Colonel Mustard, and
Mrs. White, and--

ALL
Get on with it!!!

WADSWORTH
I'm getting there, I'm getting there!!
And Mr. Boddy went to get his surprise packages from the Hall.
And you all opened your presents,
(he shuts the door)
And Mr. Boddy switched out the lights!

Wadsworth turns off the lights.

Pause.

Everyone screams.

The lights are flipped back on.

Wadsworth is lying on the floor, and the guests,
tired of all this, react with disgust.

The butler opens his eyes.

WADSWORTH
Mr. Boddy lay on the floor, apparently dead.

PLUM
He was dead! I examined him!

WADSWORTH
Then why was he bashed on the head a few minutes later with
a candlestick if he was dead already?

PLUM
All right, I made a mistake!

WADSWORTH
Right!
But if so, why was Mr. Boddy pretending to be dead?
(more quietly)
It could only be because he realized his scheme had misfired,
and the gunshot was intended to kill him, not me.
Look.
(points at blood on one of Mr. Boddy's ear lobes)
The bullet grazed his ear. Clearly his best way of escaping death
was to pretend to be dead already.

PLUM
So whoever grabbed the gun from me in the dark was trying
to kill HIM!

WADSWORTH
But remember what happened next.

He goes to the door and picks up the glass from a table.

WADSWORTH
Mrs. Peacock took a drink.
(points at Prof. Plum)
You said, "Maybe it's poisoned!"
She screams!

Wadsworth screams in falsetto.
He takes Mrs. Peacock, who helpfully(?) starts to scream.
The butler sits her down on the couch.

WADSWORTH
Mr. Green . . .
(Wadsworth slaps Mrs. Peacock)
(he imitates Mr. Green)
Well . . . I had to stop her screaming . . .
(back to himself)
Then--more screaming--Yvette--the billiard room!
We all rushed out!

As they do now.


124 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 124

Wadsworth sits on the pool table.
The guests pool around the door.

WADSWORTH
But one of us . . . wasn't here.
(nasally accent)
No.

ALL
(imitating him)
No?

WADSWORTH
(responding in kind)
No.
Maybe one of us was murdering the cook.
Who wasn't here with us?

The guests pause.

GREEN
Do you know?

WADSWORTH
(with certainty)
I do.
(continues at his breathless rate)
While we stood here, trying to stop Yvette from panicking . . .

He leaves for the study.


124a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 124a

WADSWORTH
 . . . one of us could have stayed in the study,
picked up the dagger . . .
(he does so)


124b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 124b

Wadsworth is running down the Hall.

WADSWORTH
 . . . run down the Hall . . .


124c -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 124c

WADSWORTH
 . . . and stabbed the cook.

He plunges the dagger into a chicken as the guests arrive
at the door.

PEACOCK
Oh, how could he risk it?
We might have seen him running back.

Wadsworth goes over to the freezer and pushes open the back of
the freezer, exposing the kitchen/study secret passage.

WADSWORTH
Not if they used this secret passage.

Mrs. Peacock gasps.

WADSWORTH
And the murderer ran back down the secret passage to the study.

Wadsworth leaves the kitchen for the Hall.


125 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 125

The butler is going for the study.

WHITE
(yelling)
Is that where it comes out?

WADSWORTH
(yelling back)
Yes! Look!


126 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 126

Wadsworth pushes open the picture.

GREEN
Wha--?

MUSTARD
How did you know?

WADSWORTH
This house belongs to a friend of mine. I've known all along.

GREEN
So you could be the murderer.

WADSWORTH
(laughing)
Don't be ridiculous.
If I was the murderer, why would I reveal to you how I did it?

The guests nod.

GREEN
Well . . . who else knew about the secret passage?

SCARLET
(hits Mustard)
We found it. Colonel Mustard and me.

MUSTARD
You found it. You could have known about it all the time.

SCARLET
But I didn't!

PEACOCK
Well, why should we believe you?

WADSWORTH
Because she was with us all in the billiard room doorway while
Yvette was screaming, don't you remember?

PEACOCK
What I don't understand is, why was the cook murdered?
She had nothing to do with Mr. Boddy.

WADSWORTH
Of course she did.
(conspiratorially)
I gathered you all here together because you were all implicated in
Mr. Boddy's dastardly blackmail.
Did none of you deduce that the others were involved, too?

Evidently no one had.

WHITE
What others?

WADSWORTH
The cook. And Yvette?

ALL
No!

WADSWORTH
That's how he got all his information.
Before he could blackmail anyone, Mr. Boddy had to discover
their guilty secret. The cook and Yvette were his accomplices!

MUSTARD
(brightly)
I see!
So . . . whoever knew . . . that the cook was involved . . . killed her?

WADSWORTH
Yes.

Col. Mustard looks very happy.

WADSWORTH
I know, because I was Mr. Boddy's butler,
that the cook had worked for one of you.

The guests ask who it was.

WADSWORTH
(to Mrs. White)
You recognized Yvette, didn't you?
Don't deny it.

WHITE
What do you mean, "don't deny it"? I'm not denying anything.

WADSWORTH
Another denial!

Mrs. White sticks her tongue out at Wadsworth.

WHITE
All right, it's true. I knew Yvette.
My husband had an affair with her, but I didn't care.
I wasn't . . . jealous.

WADSWORTH
(to Miss Scarlet)
You knew Yvette, too, didn't you?

SCARLET
Yes. She worked for me.

WADSWORTH
(to Col. Mustard)
And you also knew her, sir.
We've already established that you were one of Miss Scarlet's . . .
clients. That's why you were so desperate to get your hands on
those negatives.
Photographs of you and Yvette in flagrante delicto, remember?

MUSTARD
Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old
mother. The shock would have killed her!

WHITE
Ha. That would have been quite an achievement since you told
us that she's dead already.
(to Wadsworth)
So, he had the motive.

WADSWORTH
You all had a motive.

MUSTARD
But where and when was Mr. Boddy killed?

WADSWORTH
Don't you see?
(he grabs Mr. Green)
Look, we came back to the study with Yvette.
Mr. Boddy was on the floor . . .
(Wadsworth trips Mr. Green to the floor as Mr. Boddy)
 . . . pretending to be dead.
But one of us noticed he's alive.
So. I explained that I was Mr. Boddy's butler,
and I'd invited you here, and we realized there was only one
other person in the house.

ALL
The cook!

Wadsworth leaves the guests far behind.


127 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 127

Everyone runs up the Hall to the kitchen.


128 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 128

The guests enter, breathless. Mr. Green runs to the freezer, just
like he did before.

But there's no Wadsworth.

GREEN
Well, where is he?

The freezer door opens.
Miss Scarlet screams.
Wadsworth, looking quite dead, falls into Mr. Green's arms.

The exasperated Mr. Green drops the butler on the floor.

Wadsworth opens his eyes.

WADSWORTH
By now, she was dead. We laid her down with our backs to the
freezer. One of us slipped through the same secret passage--

PEACOCK
Again . . . ?

WADSWORTH
Of course! Back to the study!

They all run out.


129 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 129

Wadsworth acts as if he had just entered the study from the
secret passage.

WADSWORTH
The murderer was in the secret passage.
Meanwhile, Mr. Boddy . . .
(Wadsworth again throws Mr. Green to the floor)
 . . . had been on the floor. He jumped up . . .
(the butler picks up Mr. Green, then lets him fall again)
 . . . the murderer came out of the secret panel, picked up the
candlestick . . . .

The butler acts as if he had a candlestick. He goes after Mr. Green,
who may not be acting his look of panic.


130 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 130

Wadsworth is pursuing a frightened Mr. Green up the hall,
toward the bathroom.

WADSWORTH
Mr. Boddy followed us out of the study into the Hall, looking for
an escape.

WADSWORTH
The murderer crept up behind him and . . . killed him!!

Wadsworth brings his hand down upon Mr. Green's head.
Mr. Green falls.

GREEN
Will you stop that!!

WADSWORTH
No.

The butler grabs Mr. Green and proceeds to the bathroom.

WADSWORTH
Then . . . he threw him into the toilet!

GREEN
No . . . !

Wadsworth leans against the bathroom door frame,
pretending to check a watch.

WADSWORTH
And nonchalantly rejoined us beside the cook's body in the
kitchen. It took less than half a minute.

MUSTARD
So who wasn't there the entire time in the kitchen?

WADSWORTH
Whoever it was, is the murderer!

He runs off.

The bathroom door opens and Mr. Green emerges, drying his hands.
We can hear a toilet flush.
He hands the towel to Col Mustard.


131 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 131

Wadsworth runs in.

WADSWORTH
And we put the weapons in the cupboard, locked it, and ran
to the front door . . .

He runs out, almost colliding with the just-arrived guests.


132 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 132

Wadsworth opens the front door and makes as if throwing the key away.

WADSWORTH
To throw away the key!
(pauses)
The motorist!
I didn't throw the key away--I put it in my pocket.
And someone could have taken it out of my pocket and substituted another!

PLUM
We were all in a huddle. Any one of us could have done that!

WADSWORTH
Precisely.

He slams the front door.

GREEN
Wait a minute . . .
Colonel Mustard has a top-secret Pentagon job.
Mrs. White's husband is a nuclear physicist, and . . .
(runs to the billiard room and points in)
 . . . Yvette is a link between them.

PLUM
(to Col. Mustard)
What is your top-secret job, Colonel?

WADSWORTH
I can tell you.
He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.

Mrs. White gasps.

MUSTARD
How did you know that?

WADSWORTH
(to Mustard)
Can you keep a secret?

MUSTARD
(leaning in)
Yes.

WADSWORTH
So can I.

PEACOCK
Is this a plot between them, Wadsworth, or did Colonel Mustard
do it alone?

WADSWORTH
We shall see.
Let's look at the other murders.

PLUM
Yes. Bad luck that that motorist arrived at that moment.

WADSWORTH
(amusedly)
It wasn't luck--I invited him.

WHITE, SCARLET, and PEACOCK
You did?!

WADSWORTH
Of course. It's obvious. Everyone here tonight was either Mr. Boddy's
victim or accomplice. Everyone who has died gave him vital information
about one of you. I got them here so they'd give evidence against
him and force him to confess.

SCARLET
Oh, yeah? What about that motorist?
What kind of information did he have?

MUSTARD
(almost teary)
He was my driver during the war.

Col. Mustard sits in a chair.

WADSWORTH
And what was he holding over you?

MUSTARD
He knew that I was a war profiteer.
(pauses)
(continues, painfully)
I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them
on the black market. That is how I made all my money.
But that does not make me a murderer!

PEACOCK
Well, a lot of our airmen died because their radios didn't work!
Was the policeman working for Mr. Boddy, too?

SCARLET
The cop was from Washington.
He was on my payroll. I bribed him once a week so I could
carry on with business. Mr. Boddy found out somehow . . .

PEACOCK
(revolted)
Oh, my God . . .

SCARLET
(annoyed)
Oh, please.

GREEN
And . . . the singing telegram girl?


133 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR--VIEW INSIDE -- 133

The rain has stopped.

The people open the door and look at the singing telegram girl's corpse.

PLUM
(quietly)
She was my patient once.
I had an affair with her.
That's how I lost my license. Mr. Boddy found that out, too.

(solemn pause)

WADSWORTH
Well . . .
(claps hands together)
Let's put her in the study with the others.


134 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 134

The men drop the singing telegram girl's body on the floor.

WADSWORTH
So. Now you all know why they died.
Whoever killed Mr. Boddy also wanted his accomplices dead.

PLUM
How did the murderer know about them all?
I mean, I admit that I had guessed that this young singer informed
on me to Mr. Boddy . . . but I didn't know anything about any of
you until this evening.

WADSWORTH
First, the murder needed to get the weapons. Easy. He stole the
key from my pocket. And then we all followed Colonel Mustard's
suggestion that we split up and search the house.

PEACOCK
That's right, it was Colonel Mustard's suggestion!

Col. Mustard cannot meet their eyes.

WADSWORTH
And one of us got away from his or her partner and hurried
to the study. On the desk was the envelope from Mr. Boddy.
It contained photographs and letters--the evidence of Mr. Boddy's
network of informants.

WHITE
Where is the envelope now?

WADSWORTH
Gone. Destroyed.
(looks around, then steps to the fireplace)
Perhaps in the fire . . . .
(throws aside the grate)
The only possible place.
(pulls out the remnants of the tape made earlier)
Ah hah!
Then, having found out the whole story, the murderer went to
the cupboard, unlocked it with the key, took out the wrench--

SCARLET
(breathless)
Then we found the secret passage from the conservatory to the
lounge . . . where we found the motorist dead!


135 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 135

Wadsworth frantically acts out the next scene.

WADSWORTH
That's right! And we couldn't get in.
So Yvette rain to the open cupboard,
and shot the door open. BANG!
And then, the doorbell rang!

The doorbell rings.

Everyone freezes in terror.

PEACOCK
Oh, whoever it is, they gotta go away, or they'll be killed!
Ohhh!

Mrs. Peacock opens the front door.

A rather ELDERLY EVANGELIST stands outside, pamphlets in hand.

EVANGELIST
(kindly)
Good evening.
Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?

PEACOCK
(stunned)
What?

EVANGELIST
Repent. The kingdom of heaven IS at hand.

SCARLET
You ain't just whistlin' Dixie.

EVANGELIST
Armageddon is almost upon us.

PLUM
I got news for you--it's already here!

Mrs. Peacock tries to shut the door on him.

PEACOCK
Go away!

EVANGELIST
But your souls are in danger!

PEACOCK
Our lives our in danger, you beatnik!

She shuts the door on him, closing several of his pamphlets inside.

WADSWORTH
(continuing as if nothing had happened)
The cop arrived next, we locked him in the library.
We forgot the cupboard with the weapons was now unlocked,
then we split up again, and the murderer switched off the electricity!
He does so.
Everything goes black.

GREEN (V.O.)
Oh, my God.

Mrs. White squeals.

PEACOCK (V.O.)
Not again.

SCARLET (V.O.)
(very annoyed)
Turn on the lights!!!

Wadsworth turns on the lights.


136 -- A -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- A -- 136

WADSWORTH
Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you.

GREEN
You're a bit late for that!
(to White)
I hate it when he does that!

She whimpers.

WADSWORTH
Then there were three more murders.

WHITE
So which of us killed them?

WADSWORTH
None of us killed Mr. Boddy, or the cook.

GREEN and WHITE
So who did?

WADSWORTH
The one person who wasn't with us.

The guests try to figure it out.

WADSWORTH
Yvette.

ALL
Yvette?!

WADSWORTH
She was in the billiard room, listening to our conversation.

CUT TO

Flashback of Yvette sitting on the pool table.
The following events transpire as Wadsworth describes them.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
She heard the gunshot . . . she thought he was dead.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
And while we all examined the bullet hole,
she crept into the study, picked up the dagger . . .
ran to the kitchen, and stabbed the cook.

Yvette stabs Mrs. Ho in the back.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
We didn't hear the cook scream because Mrs. Peacock was
screaming about the "poisoned" brandy.
The, Yvette returned to the billiard room.
She screamed . . . .
And we all ran to her.

CUT TO

Present, the hall.

MUSTARD
Well, when did she kill Mr. Boddy?

WADSWORTH
When I said.
We all ran to the kitchen to see the cook.
Yvette hid in the study to check that Mr. Boddy was dead.

CUT TO

Flashback of Yvette hiding  behind a chair in the lounge.
The following events transpire as Wadsworth descries them.

WADSWORTH
He got up, and followed them down the hall,
so she hit him on the head with a candlestick,
and dragged him to the toilet.

CUT TO

The present, in the Hall.

SCARLET
Why?

WADSWORTH
To create confusion!

PEACOCK
It worked.

Col. Mustard nods.

PLUM
Why did she do it?

WADSWORTH
Was it because she was acting under orders?
From the person who later killed her.

PLUM
Who?!

PEACOCK
Who?!

SCARLET
Who?!

WADSWORTH
Was it one of her clients?
(turns to Col. Mustard)
Or was it a jealous wife?
(turns to Mrs. White)
Or an adulterous doctor?
(turns to Prof. Plum)
No.
It was her employer, Miss Scarlet.

SCARLET
That's a lie!!

WADSWORTH
Is it?
You used her, the way you always used her.
You killed the motorist when we split up to search the house.

SCARLET
How could I have known about the secret passage?

WADSWORTH
Easy. Yvette told you.
So when we split up again . . .

CUT TO

Miss Scarlet, gloved, turning off the electricity.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
 . . . you switched off the electricity.
It was easy for you, here on the ground floor.
Then, in the dark, you got the lead pipe and the rope,
strangled Yvette, ran to the library, killed the cop,
picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it, opened the front door,
recognized the singing telegram from her photograph, and shot her.

CUT TO

Present, the Hall.

SCARLET
You've no proof.

WADSWORTH
The gun is missing.
Gentlemen, turn out your pockets.
Ladies, empty your purses.
Whoever has the gun is the murderer.

They all do so.

Suddenly, Miss Scarlet pulls out the revolver.
She points it at him.

SCARLET
(impressed)
Brilliantly worked out, Wadsworth. I congratulate you.

He shrugs off the praise.

Miss Scarlet starts to slowly make her way to the front door.

MUSTARD
(very impressed)
Me too!

SCARLET
(to Mustard)
Shut up!!

GREEN
Now, there's one thing I don't understand.

PLUM
ONE thing?

GREEN
Why did you do it?
Half of Washington knows what kind of business you run.
You were in no real danger. The whole town would be implicated
if you were exposed.

SCARLET
I don't think they know my real business.
My business is secrets. Yvette found them out for me.
The secrets of Senator Peacock's defense committee,
of Colonel Mustard's fusion bomb, Professor Plum's U.N. contacts,
and the work of your husband,
(walks to Mrs. White)
the nuclear physicist.

GREEN
So. It IS political. You're a communist!

SCARLET
No, Mr. Green. Communism is just a red herring.
Like all members of the oldest profession, I'm a capitalist.
And I'm gonna sell my secrets--your secrets--to the highest bidder.

MUSTARD
And what if we don't cooperate?

SCARLET
You will.
Or I'll expose you.

PLUM
We could expose you. Six murders . . . ?

SCARLET
I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N.,
Professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated
not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death.
(she lowers the revolver at him)
And the deaths of five other people?

PLUM
You don't know what kind of people they have at the U.N.
I might go up in their estimation.

Col. Mustard starts toward Miss Scarlet.
She brings the revolver around to bear on him.

MUSTARD
It is no good blackmailing me, madam.
I have no more money!

The guests agree, claiming the same thing.

SCARLET
(to Mustard)
I know, sweetie pie.
But you can pay me in government information.
(she waves the revolver around)
All of you.

She pauses, then walks to Wadsworth.
She points the revolver at him.

SCARLET
Except you, Wadsworth.
You, as a mere butler, have no access to government secrets.
(she cocks the gun)
So I'm afraid your moment has come.

WADSWORTH
No so fast, Miss Scarlet.
I do have a secret or two.

SCARLET
Oh yeah? Such as?

WADSWORTH
The games up, Scarlet.
There are no more bullets left in that gun.

SCARLET
Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?

WADSWORTH
It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the study.
Two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and
one for the singing telegram.

SCARLET
That's not six.

WADSWORTH
One plus two plus two plus one.

She thinks.

SCARLET
Uh, uh.
There was only one shot that got the chandelier.
That's one plus two plus ONE plus one.

WADSWORTH
Even if you are right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not
one plus TWO plus one plus one.

SCARLET
(thinking)
Okay, fine.
One plus two plus one--
(angered)
Shut up!
Point is, there's one bullet left in this gun,
and guess who's going to get it?

The doorbell rings.

Scarlet is distracted by it.
Wadsworth turns her arm around,
taking the gun and forcing her to kneel on the floor.

Mr. Green runs for the door and opens it.

Cops pour in.

Mr. Green cowers by the closet in the foyer.

MUSTARD
(hands held up, smiling)
I'm only a guest!

WADSWORTH
(Holding Scarlet)
Where's the chief?

The Elderly Evangelist--the CHIEF--walks in, gun in hand.

CHIEF
Ah, Wadsworth, well done.
(to Scarlet)
I did warn you, my dear. Mr. Hoover is an expert on Armageddon.

Scarlet is pulled to her feet.

SCARLET
(to Wadsworth)
Wadsworth, don't hate me for trying to shoot you . . .

WADSWORTH
Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.
As I was trying to tell you, there are no bullets left in this gun.
You see?

He pulls the trigger, firing the sixth bullet through the rope of the
second chandelier.

Wadsworth is perplexed.

Scarlet shrugs, embarrassed.

WADSWORTH
(quietly)
One plus two . . . plus one . . .

The camera reveals Col. Mustard.

MUSTARD
(counting on his fingers)
 . . .plus two, plus one . . . is--

And the chandelier shatters on the floor in back of him.

The camera freezes.

CUT TO

A card, saying

THAT"S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

then another one,

BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?

CUT TO


137 -- B -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- B -- 137

Wadsworth has just turned on the lights,
like at the beginning of ending A.

WADSWORTH
(breathless)
In the dark, the murderer ran across the hall to the study,
picked up the rope, and the lead pipe. Ran to the billiard room.
Strangled Yvette . . .
(he demonstrates on Mr. White)
 . . . ran to library, hit the cop on the head with the lead pipe.
Then, coming out of the library, the doorbell rang--it was the singing
telegram. The murderer picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it,
ran to the door, opened it, recognized the girl from her picture, shot her,
and ran back to the cellar!

ALL
The cellar!

WADSWORTH
Yes.

PEACOCK
But Colonel Mustard wasn't in the cellar.

WADSWORTH
No. But you were.

PEACOCK
So.

WADSWORTH
You murdered them all.
You were the person who was missing when the cook and
Mr. Boddy were murdered. And the cook used to be your cook!
Don't you remember your fatal mistake?
You told us at dinner that we were eating one of your favorite recipes.
And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not
often to be found in Washington, D.C.

GREEN
Is that what we ate?

He covers his mouth and runs for the bathroom.

PEACOCK
Why would I have murdered all of the others?

WADSWORTH
Obviously, in case Mr. Boddy had told them about you.

PLUM
So it has all nothing to do with the disappearing nuclear physicist
and Colonel Mustard's work on the new fusion bomb.

WADSWORTH
(grinning)
No. Communism was just a red herring.
Mrs. Peacock did it all.

PEACOCK
There's no proof.

WADSWORTH
Well. The gun is missing.
Gentlemen, turn out your pockets.
Ladies, empty your purses.
(the camera reveals Miss Scarlet's empty purse)
Whoever has the gun, is the murderer.

Mrs. Peacock opens her purse and pulls out the gun,
pointing it at the butler.

PEACOCK
Very well.
(pause)
What do you propose to do about it?

She makes her way to the front door.

WADSWORTH
Nothing.

PEACOCK
Nothing.

WADSWORTH
Nothing at all.
I don't approve of murder.
But it seems to me that you've done the world a service by
ridding it of an appalling blackmailer and his disgusting
informers.

GREEN
But the police will be here any minute. What happens then?

WADSWORTH
Why should the police come?
Nobody's called them.

Everyone is shocked.

PEACOCK
You mean . . .

WADSWORTH
(smiling)
That's right.
Now, I suggest that we stack the bodies in the cellar,
lock it, leave quietly, one at a time, and pretend than none of this
has ever happened.

PEACOCK
Great idea!
I'll leave first . . .
(sarcastic)
 . . . if you don't mind.

Mrs. Peacock uses the gun to wave the other guests into a group.

WADSWORTH
Be my guest.
In fact, I think we all owe you a vote of thanks.

He starts singing in an appealing baritone.

WADSWORTH
"For she's a jolly good fellow,
for she's a jolly good fellow . . ."

The rest of guests start to sing as well.
Mrs. White takes a harmony.

Mrs. Peacock carefully slips out the door.

As soon as the door shuts, the party stops singing.
They relax somewhat--at least the immediate danger is past.

GREEN
(accusatory)
I TOLD you I didn't DO it!

MUSTARD
But what if the authorities find out what happened?

WADSWORTH
The F.B.I. will take care of that.

MUSTARD
You mean . . . ?

WADSWORTH
My phone call from Mr. Hoover?
I work for him, of course.
How else could I have known everything about you all?

MUSTARD
There's still one thing I don't understand.

WHITE
ONE thing?

MUSTARD
Who was Mrs. Peacock taking bribes from?

WADSWORTH
A foreign power.
Her husband, the senator, has influence over defense contracts.

PLUM
Is there going to be a coverup?

WADSWORTH
Isn't that in the public interest?
What could be gained by exposure?

PLUM
But is the F.B.I. in the habit of cleaning up after multiple murder?

WADSWORTH
Yes.
Why do you think it's run by a man called "Hoover"?


138 -- B -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--DRIVEWAY -- B -- 138

Mrs. Peacock has her keys out and is getting ready to get into
her car.

The elderly evangelist steps out onto the driveway.

EVANGELIST
Oh, Mrs. Peacock . . . ?

PEACOCK
(cautiously)
How did you know my name?

EVANGELIST
The kingdom of heaven IS at hand.

He whips out a gun and points it at her.

Floodlights engage and cops pour out of the yard.

EVANGELIST (CHIEF) (O.S.)
Okay, take her away!

PEACOCK (O.S.)
Take your hands off me! I'm a senator's wife!

The front door opens and the guests, with Wadsworth at their head,
pour out on to the porch.

CHIEF
Wadsworth, we got her.

WADSWORTH
You see?
Like the Mounties, we always get our man.

GREEN
Mrs. Peacock was a man?!

Wadsworth slaps him, then Col. Mustard does the same.

WADSWORTH
Would anyone care for fruit or . . . desert?

The camera freezes.

CUT TO

A card, reading

BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED . . .

CUT TO


139 -- C -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- C -- 139

Wadsworth switches on the lights, like in the other two endings.

WADSWORTH
Sorry, didn't mean to frighten anyone.

GREEN
You're a bit late for that!!

WADSWORTH
Then, there were three more murders.

ALL
So who did it!?

Wadsworth starts striding away.

WADSWORTH
Let's consider each murder one by one.
Professor Plum, you knew that Mr. Boddy was still alive.
Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who
are alive or dead.
You fired the gun at him in the dark and missed, so you
pretended he was dead. That's how you were able to kill him later,
unobserved.

SCARLET
That's right!
He was the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!

GREEN
But he was with us in the billiard room when we found Yvette screaming.
If that's when the cook was killed, how did he do it?

PLUM
I didn't!!

PEACOCK
You don't expect us to believe that, do you?

WADSWORTH
I expect you to believe it.
You killed the cook.
She used to be your cook, and she informed on you to Mr. Boddy.


140 -- C -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- C -- 140

Wadsworth enters.
The guests stay around the door from the Hall.

WADSWORTH
You made one fatal mistake!

He sits in the spot Mrs. Peacock occupied during dinner.

WADSWORTH
Sitting here, at dinner, Mrs. Peacock told us that she was
eating one of her favorite recipes.
(he stands slowly)
And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are
not often to be found in Washington, D.C.


141 -- C -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- C -- 141

The party reenters the Hall from the dining room.

WADSWORTH
Colonel Mustard, when we saw the motorist at the front door . . .

CUT TO

A flashback, the inside of their huddle when the Motorist arrived.

The following happen as Wadsworth describes them.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
 . . . you took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket.
Then you suggested that we all split up.
You separated from Miss Scarlet, crossed the Hall,
opened the cupboard, took the wrench, ran to the conservatory,
entered the lounge through the secret passage,
killed the motorist with a blow on the head.

CUT TO


142 -- C -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- C -- 142

The present, in the lounge.

WADSWORTH
(acting out the murder)
Like that!

He strides into the Hall.


143 -- C -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- C -- 143

WHITE
(to Wadsworth)
This is incredible!

WADSWORTH
Not so incredible as what happened next!

He starts up the stairs.

WADSWORTH
After we all split up again,
I went upstairs with you, yes, you, Mrs. White!

The butler stops on the landing.

WADSWORTH
And, while I was in the master bedroom . . .

CUT TO

Flashback of Mrs. White hurrying downstairs.

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
You hurried downstairs and turned off the electricity,
got the rope from the open cupboard, and throttled Yvette.

CUT TO

The present, in the Hall.

WADSWORTH
(to Mrs. White)
You WERE jealous that your husband was schtuping Yvette.
That's why you killed him, too!

WHITE
(detached)
Yes . . .
(pause)
Yes, I did it.
I killed Yvette.
I hated her . . . so . . . much . . .
I-It-It--flame--flames . . . on the side of my face . . .
breathing . . . breathle--heaving breaths . . .heaving--

WADSWORTH
(cutting her off)
While you were in the billiard room,

CUT TO

Flashback, the events occurring as the butler describes them

WADSWORTH (V.O.)
Miss Scarlet seized the opportunity and, under cover of darkness,
got to the library, where she hit the cop, whom she'd been bribing,
on the head with the lead pipe!

CUT TO

The present, in the Hall.

WADSWORTH
(to Miss Scarlet)
True or false?

SCARLET
(amazed)
True!
Who are you, Perry Mason?

PLUM
So it must have been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!

GREEN
I didn't do it!

MUSTARD
Well, there's nobody else left.

GREEN
But I didn't do it!
(pauses, realizing something)
The gun is missing!
Whoever's got the gun, shot the girl!

Wadsworth pulls the gun from his pocket.

WADSWORTH
I shot her.

ALL but GREEN
You?!

GREEN
(knowingly)
So it was you.
I was going to expose you.

WADSWORTH
(to Mr. Green)
I know.
So I choose to expose myself.

MUSTARD
Please, there are ladies present!

WADSWORTH
(to All)
You thought Mr. Boddy was dead.
But why? None of you even met him until tonight.

Mr. Green understands.

GREEN
You're Mr. Boddy!

Wadsworth grins and starts to chuckle evilly.

PLUM
Wait a minute!
(he runs to the study door)
So who did I kill?

Wadsworth shrugs.

WADSWORTH
My butler.

PLUM
Shucks.

Wadsworth uses the revolver to wave the Professor to join the group.

WADSWORTH
He was expendable, like all of you.
I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers.
Saved me a lot of trouble.
Now there's no evidence against me.

WHITE
This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband
or Colonel Mustard's work with the new top-secret fusion bomb.

WADSWORTH
(laughing)
No. Communism was just a red . . . herring.

Wadsworth runs to the front door,
keeping the revolver trained on the party.

GREEN
But, the police will be here any minute!
You'll never get away with this, any of you!

WADSWORTH
Why should the police come?
Nobody's called them.

PEACOCK
You mean . . . oh, my God, of course!

WADSWORTH
So why shouldn't we get away with it?
We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly
one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.

Mr. Green takes off his glasses and starts to put them in his
jacket's inside pocket.

GREEN
And you'll just go on blackmailing us all.

WADSWORTH
Of course.
Why not?

GREEN
Well, I'll tell you why not.

He whips a pistol from his jacket and fires.

Wadsworth tries to get off a shot but is far too slow.

The butler is hit.

WADSWORTH
(shocked)
Good shot, Green.

Wadsworth slides down the closet door to the floor.
He looks at the blood flowing out of his chest.

WADSWORTH
Very good . . .

Wadsworth dies.

Mr. Green stands fully, lowering the pistol.
He already looks more confident than he has yet during the night.

Mrs. White steps up to him.
He points the pistol at her.

WHITE
Are you a cop?

GREEN
No, I'm a plant.

SCARLET
A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a "fruit."

GREEN
Very funny.
(he pulls out a badge)
F.B.I. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me.

He steps up to the front door and grabs the handle.

GREEN
I told you I didn't do it!

He opens the front door.
Cops pour in.

The elderly evangelist (the chief) follows them in.

CHIEF
All right. Whodunit?

The guests all try to explain, blaming each other.
The cops, confused, keep pointing their guns at different guests.

Mr. Green shouts above the din.

GREEN
They all did it!
But if you want to know who killed Mr. Boddy,
I did. In the Hall, with the revolver.
Take 'em away, chief.
I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.

The camera freezes as Mr. Green turns to leave and he and the chief grin.

			THE END

Closing credits start to roll to the tune of "Shake, Rattle and Roll."

MRS. PEACOCK.....................................................EILEEN BRENNAN
WADSWORTH........................................................TIM CURRY
MRS. WHITE.......................................................MADELINE KAHN
PROF. PLUM.......................................................CHRISTOPER LLOYD
MR. GREEN........................................................MICHAEL McKEAN
COL. MUSTARD.....................................................MARTIN MULL
MISS SCARLET.....................................................LESLEY ANN WARREN
YVETTE...........................................................COLLEEN CAMP
MR. BODDY........................................................LEE VING