The Musical World of Rocky Horror

Rocky Horror Picture Show (Transcript)        43,362 views

                        The Rocky Horror Picture Show
                        -----------------------------


                      SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE

Usherette: Michael Rennie was ill
           The Day the Earth Stood Still
           But he told us where we stand.
           And Flash Gordon was there
           In silver underwear,
           Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
           Then something went wrong
           For Fay Wray and King Kong;
           They got caught in a celluloid jam.
           Then at a deadly pace
           It Came From... Outer Space.
           And this is how the message ran:

Chorus:    Science fiction, double feature
           Doctor X will build a creature.
           See androids fighting Brad and Janet
           Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
           Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
           At the late night, double feature, picture show.

Usherette: I knew Leo G. Carrol
           Was over a barrel
           When Tarantula took to the hills.
           And I really got hot
           When I saw Jeanette Scott
           Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.
           Dana Andrews said Prunes
           Gave him the runes
           And passing them used lots of skills.
           But When Worlds Collide,
           Said George Powell to his bride,
           "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"
           Like a...

Chorus:    Science fiction, double feature
           Doctor X will build a creature.
           See androids fighting Brad and Janet
           Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
           Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
           At the late night, double feature, picture show.

           I wanna go
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late night double feature picture show,
           By RKO,
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late night double feature picture show,
           In the back row,
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late night, double feature, picture show!

Dentonian: Here they come!

Photographer: Let's get a picture.  Close together now.  The folks and then
           the grandparents.  Yes, all the close family.  Ahhh, hold that.  
           Beautiful.  And... smile!  Congratulations!

Ralph:     I guess we finally did it, huh.

Brad:      I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been 
           almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses.

Ralph:     Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I showed  
           up in the first place.

Betty:     O.K. you guys, this is it.

Ralph:     Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet.

Janet:     I got it!  I got it!

Ralph:     Hey big fella, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?

Brad:      Who knows.

Ralph:     Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we better get going now Betty.  
           Come on, hop in.  See ya, Brad!

Janet:     Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful?  Didn't Betty look radiantly 
           beautiful?  I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old 
           Betty Munroe and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Brad:      Yes Janet, Ralph's a lucky guy.

Janet:     Yes.

Dentonian: I always cry at weddings.

Brad:      Uh, everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook.

Janet:     Yes.

Brad:      Why Ralph himself, he'll be in line for a promotion in a year or  
           two.

Janet:     Yes.

Brad:      Hey Janet.

Janet:     Yes Brad?

Brad:      I've got something to say.

Janet:     Uh huh.

Brad:      I really love the... skilful way... you beat the other girls... to 
           the bride's bouquet.

Janet:     Oh Brad.

Brad:      The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
           The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
           So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
           I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.

           The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
           There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
           If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
           I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.

           Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
           There's three ways that love can grow.
           That's good, bad, or mediocre.
           Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so.

Janet:     Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad)
           Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
           That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)
           I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.

           Oh Brad...

Brad:      Oh... dammit!

Janet:     I'm mad...

Brad:      Oh, Janet.

Janet:     For you.

Brad:      I love you too.

Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo.

Brad:      And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)
           When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
           Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
           Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
           Dammit, Janet.

Janet:     Oh Brad, I'm mad.

Brad:      Dammit, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love you.

Narrator:  I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It 
           seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancee 
           Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, left Denton that 
           late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and
           now friend to both of them.  It's true there were dark storm 
           clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were 
           driving.  It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying 
           was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, 
           on a night night out... well, they were not going to let a storm 
           spoil the events of their evening, were they?...  On a night out... 
           it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long 
           time.
 
Janet:     Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.  They sure do 
           take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all.

Brad:      Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.

Janet:     Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?

Brad:      Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Janet:     Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from?

Brad:      Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.

Janet:     Oh! What was that bang?

Brad:      We must have a blowout.  DAMMIT!  I knew I should have gotten that 
           spare tire fixed.  Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go 
           for help.

Janet:     But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?

Brad:      Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?  Maybe they 
           have a telephone I could use.

Janet:     I'm going with you.

Brad:      Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.

Janet:     I'm coming with you!  Besides darling, the owner of that phone 
           might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again.

Brad:      Heh, heh, heh, heh.


                      OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

Janet:     In the velvet darkness,
           Of the blackest night,
           Burning bright, there's a guiding star.
           No matter what or who you are.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Over at the Frankenstein place.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace...

Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.


Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.
           Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
           Into my life.  Into my life...

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Over at the Frankenstein place.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace.
           There's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: ...in the darkness of everybody's life.

Brad:      I can see the flag fly
           I can see the rain
           Just the same, there has got to be
           Something better here for you and me.

Narrator:  And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and 
           that they had found the assistance that their plight required.  
           ...Or had they?

Janet:     Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...

Brad:      Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.

Riff Raff: Hello.

Brad:      Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss.  I 
           wonder if you could help us.  You see, our car broke down a few 
           miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?

Riff Raff: You're wet.

Janet:     Yes - it's raining.

Brad:      Yes.

Riff Raff: Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside.

Janet:     You're too kind.  Oh Brad, I'm frightened.  What kind of a place is 
           this?

Brad:      Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Janet:     Oh.

Riff Raff: This way.

Janet:     Are you having a party?

Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night.  It's one of the master's 
           affairs.

Janet:     Oh, lucky him.

Magenta:   You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha...


                               THE TIME WARP

Riff Raff: It's astounding;
           Time is fleeting;
           Madness takes its toll.
           But listen closely...

Magenta:   Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff: I've got to keep control.
           I remember doing the time-warp
           Drinking those moments when
           The blackness would hit me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...

Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again.
                Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the left.

All:       And then a step to the right.

Narrator:  With your hands on your hips.

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           That really drives you insane.

           Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

Magenta:   It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
           So you can't see me, no, not at all.
           In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,
           Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip

Magenta:   You're into the time slip.

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.

Magenta:   You're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation.

All:       Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

Columbia:  Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
           When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
           He shook me up, he took me by surprise
           He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
           He stared at me and I felt a change.
           Time meant nothing, never would again.

All:       Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the left!

All:       And then a step to the right.

Narrator:  With your hands on your hips....

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           That really drives you insane.

           Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

All:       Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the left!!

All:       And then a step to the right.

Narrator:  With your hands on your hips!...

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           that really drives you insane.

           Let's do the time-warp again.
           Let's do the time-warp again.

Janet:     Brad, say something.

Brad:      Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?

Janet:     Brad, please, let's get out of here.

Brad:      For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.

Janet:     But it... it seems so unhealthy here.

Brad:      It's just a party, Janet.

Janet:     Well - I want to go.

Brad:      Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.

Janet:     Well then ask the butler or someone.

Brad:      Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere with their 
           celebration.

Janet:     This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.

Brad:      They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.  They 
           may do some more... folk dancing.

Janet:     Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!

Brad:      I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

                            SWEET TRANSVESTITE

Frank:     How do you do, I
           See you've met my
           Faithful handyman.

           He's just a little brought down
           Because when you knocked
           He thought you were the candyman.

           Don't get strung out by the way I look.
           Don't judge a book by its cover.
           I'm not much of a man by the light of day
           But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

           I'm just a sweet transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           Let me show you around
           Maybe play you a sound.
           You look like you're both pretty groovy.
           Or if you want something visual
           That's not too abysmal,
           We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

Brad:      I'm glad we caught you at home,
           Could we use your phone?
           We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:     Right.

Brad:      We'll just say where we are,
           Then go back to the car.
           We don't want to be any worry.

Frank:     Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that?
           Well, babies, don't you panic.
           By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
           I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

           I'm just a sweet transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           Why don't you stay for the night?

Riff Raff: Night.

Frank:     Or maybe a bite?

Columbia:  Bite.

Frank:     I could show you my favourite obsession.
           I've been making a man
           With blond hair and a tan
           And he's good for relieving my......tension

           I'm just a sweet transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.
           HIT IT, HIT IT!
           I'm just a sweet transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

Frank:     From Transsexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank:     So - come up to the lab,
           And see what's on the slab.
           I see you shiver with antici --- pation.
           But maybe the rain
           Is really to blame.
           So I'll remove the cause.
           But not the symptom.

Janet:     Oh!  Brad!

Brad:      It's all right Janet.  We'll play along for now and pull out the 
           aces when the time is right.

Columbia:  Oh, slowly, slowly!  It's too nice a job to rush.

Brad:      Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; 
           ah.. you are...?

Columbia:  You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.  Some 
           people would give their right arm for the privilege.

Brad:      People like you maybe.

Columbia:  Ha! I've seen it.

Riff Raff: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Magenta:   Shift it!

Janet:     Is he, um, Frank I mean - is he your husband?

Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be.  We 
           are simply his servants.

Janet:     Oh.

Frank:     Magenta, Columbia - go assist Riff Raff.  I will entertain ...uh 
           huh huh...

Brad:      Brad Majors.  This is my fiancee, Janet "Vice".

Janet:     Weiss.

Brad:      Weiss?  Um.

Frank:     Enchante.

Frank:     Well!  How nice.  And what charming underclothes you both have.  
           But here.  Put these on.  They'll make you feel less... vulnerable.  
           It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them...  
            hospitality.

Brad:      Hospitality!?  All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, 
           Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!

Janet:     Brad, don't be ungrateful.

Brad:      Ungrateful!

Frank:     How forceful you are, Brad.  Such a perfect specimen of manhood.  
           So... dominant.  You must be awfully proud of him, Janet.

Janet:     Well, yes I am.

Frank:     Do you have any tattoos, Brad?

Brad:      Certainly not!

Frank:     Oh well,.. how about you?

Janet:     No.

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master.  We merely await your... word.

Frank:     Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are about to 
           witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise 
           is to be mine!  It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you 
           get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign
           of being.. what a fool!  The answer was there all the time, it took 
           a small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT...

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank:     ..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, 
           that SPARK that is the breath of life...  Yes, I have that 
           knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself! 
           You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my 
           beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!  Hoopla! ...throw open 
           the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power 
           input THREE MORE POINTS!

Janet:     Oh, Brad!

Brad:      It's all right, Janet!

Frank:     Oh! Rocky!

                           THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,
           And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.

Frank:     You IDIOT!!

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
           Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

           I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go.
           And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

Frank:     Oh, Rocky!

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.

Frank:     Well, really!

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And I've got the feeling someone's going to be cutting the thread.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery
           And, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           sha-la-la.

Frank:     Well really.  That's no way to behave on your first day out.

Rocky:     Ugh  Ugh

Frank:     But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to 
           forgive you.

Rocky:     Ugh  Ugh

Frank:     Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.

Frank:     Yes.

Magenta:   A triumph of your will.

Frank:     Yes.

Columbia:  He's O.K.

Frank:     O.K.?  O.K.?!?  I think we can do better than that.  Humph!  Well, 
           Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?

Janet:     Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Frank:     I didn't make him FOR YOU!  He carries the Charles Atlas seal of 
           approval.


                       I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)

Frank:     A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
           Will get sand in his face
           When kicked to the ground;
           And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
           The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
           Will make him glisten ...and gleam.
           And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,
           He'll be pink and quite clean
           He'll be a strong man.  Oh honey...

Frank & Transylvanians:  But the wrong man.

Frank:     He'll eat nutritious high protein.  And swallow raw eggs...
           Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
           Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
           In just seven days...

Frank & Transylvanians:  I can make you a man.

Frank:     He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
           He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
           Such strenuous living I just don't understand,
           When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man.

Columbia:  Eddie!

                       HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)


Eddie:     Whatever happened to Saturday night,
           When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
           It don't seem the same since cosmic light
           Came into my life, I thought I was divine.
           I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
           And listen to the music on the radio;
           A saxophone was blowin' in a rock 'n roll show.
           You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
           My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
           I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
           And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
           Get back in front, put some hair oil on
           Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.
           With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.
           It felt pretty good. Woo! You really had a good time.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           etc.

Frank:     One from the vaults.  Oh baby!.. Don't be upset...  It was a mercy 
           killing... he had a certain naive charm, but no muscle...  Oh!

                      I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)

Frank:     But a deltoid and a bicep.
           A hot groin and a tricep.
           Makes me, oooh, shake,
           Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...ha-ha-hand.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a man.

Frank:     I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet:     I'm a muscle fan.

Frank:     In just seven days, I can make you a man
           Dig it if you can
           In just seven days, I can make you a man.

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!  Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!  
           Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Narrator:  There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality 
           is but a figment of the imagination.  If this is so, then Brad and 
           Janet are quite safe, ... however, the sudden departure of their 
           host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his sombre    
           bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a 
           feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and they were 
           shown to their separate rooms.

Janet:     Who is it? Who's there?

Frank (Brad): It's only me, Janet.

Janet:     Oh, Brad darling, come in.  Oh! Brad Oh... Yes, my darling...but 
           what if...

Frank (Brad): It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be alright.

Janet:     Oh, I hope so, my darling.  Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!

Frank:     I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...

Janet:     Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad?

Frank:     Oh, well, nothing.  Why, do you think I should?

Janet:     You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...

Frank:     Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it?  I think you really 
           found it quite pleasurable.

Janet:     Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!!

Frank:     Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you 
           like...This!

Janet:     Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I 
           was saving myself...

Frank:     Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...

Janet:     Promise you won't tell Brad?

Frank:     Cross my heart and hope to die...

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here.  It'll destroy us.

Brad:      Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective.

Brad:      YOU!

Frank:     I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...

Brad:      Why YOU!  What have you done with Janet?

Frank:     Nothing.  Why?  Do you think I should?

Brad:      You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never...

Frank:     Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it?  Not even half 
           bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it.

Frank:     Oh... so soft...

Brad:      Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...JANET!

Frank:     Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you... 
           like this!

Brad:      Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it 
           was the real thing!

Frank:     Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?  There's no 
           crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, Brad.  Oh Brad, you've 
           wasted so much time already...Janet needn't know, I won't tell.

Brad:      Well, promise you won't tell...

Frank:     On my mother's graoouuuuuu....

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate 
           is loose and somewhere on the grounds.  Magenta has just released.. 
           the dogs.

Frank:     Mmmmm?  Coming!

Janet:     What's happening here?  Where's Brad?  Where's anybody?  Oh, Brad. 
           Brad, my darling, how could I have done this to you?  Oh, if only 
           we hadn't made this journey... if only the car hadn't broken 
           down... oh, if only we were amongst friends...  Or sane persons, Oh
           Brad, what have they done with him...  Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could 
           you?

Janet:     Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you?  Here, I'll dress 
           your wounds... baby there...

Narrator:  Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited 
           mental state.  It is also a powerful and irrational master...and 
           from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television 
           monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its
           slave.

Magenta and Columbia: Tell us about it, Janet.


                      TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

Janet:     I was feeling done in, couldn't win
           I'd only ever kissed before.

Columbia:  You mean she's...

Magenta:   Uh huh.

Janet:     I thought there's no use getting
           Into heavy petting
           It only leads to trouble
           And seat wetting.

           Now all I want to know is how to go.
           I've tasted blood and I want more.

Magenta and Columbia: More, more, more

Janet:     I'll put up no resistance
           I want to stay the distance
           I've got an itch to scratch
           I need assistance.

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me
           I want to be dirty
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
           Creature of the night.

           Then if anything grows, while you pose,
           I'll oil you up and rub you down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet:     And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
           You need a friendly hand and I need action.

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me
           I want to be dirty
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
           Creature of the night.

Columbia:  Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta:   I want to be dirty.

Columbia:  Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta:   Creature of the night.

Janet:     Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.

Rocky:     Creature of the night
Brad:      Creature of the night?
Frank:     Creature of the night.
Magenta:   Creature of the night.
Riff Raff: Creature of the night.
Columbia:  Creature of the night.
Rocky:     Creature of the night!
Janet:     Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  Merrrrrcy!

Frank:     How did it happen?  I understood you were to be watching!

Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute...master

Frank:     Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master...we have a visitor.

Brad:      Hey, Scotty!  ...Dr. Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: You know this earthling ...person?

Brad:      I most certainly do!  He happens to be an old friend of mine.

Frank:     I see.  So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.  You came here with 
           a purpose.

Brad:      I told you, my car broke down.  I was telling the truth.

Frank:     I know what you told me...but this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is 
           not unknown to me.

Brad:      He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank:     And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad?  He's 
           attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call 
           UFO's!  Isn't that right, Brad?

Brad:      He might be...I don't know.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master.

Frank:     He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in 
           person?

Brad:      Great Scott!

Dr. Scott: Frank N Furter, we meet at last.

Brad:      Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here?

Frank:     Don't play games, Dr. Scott.  You know perfectly well what Brad 
           Majors is doing here.  It was part of your plan, was it not?  That 
           he and his female should check the layout for you.  Well, 
           unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed.  I am 
           adaptable, Dr. Scott; I know Brad is.

Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete 
           surprise to me.  I came here to find Eddie.

Brad:      Eddie!  I've seen him!

Frank:     Eddie!  What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

Dr. Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.  You see Eddie 
           happens to be my nephew.

Brad:      Dr. Scott.

Janet:     Ah!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Frank:     Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.

Magenta:   Master, dinner is prepared!

Frank:     Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

Narrator:  Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking 
           of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this 
           meal.  However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there 
           was to be very little.. bon ami.

Frank:     A toast... to absent friends...

All:       To absent friends.

Frank:     And Rocky.  Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy 
           Birthday dear Rocky... Shall we?

Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie.

Columbia:  Eddie?!

Frank:     That's a rather tender subject.  Another slice anyone?

Columbia:  Excuse me...

Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I 
           imagined...Aliens!

Rocky:     Ugh?!

Brad & Janet: Doctor Scott!

Frank:     Go on, Dr. Scott.  Or should I say Dr. Von Scott?

Brad:      Just what exactly are you implying?

Dr. Scott: It's all right!

Brad:      But Dr. Scott!

Scott:     That's all right, Brad!!


                                   EDDIE

           From the day he was born 
           He was trouble.
           He was the thorn
           In his mother's side.
           She tried in vain...

Narrator:  ...but he never caused her nothing but shame.

Scott:     He left home the day she died.
           From the day she was gone
           All he wanted
           Was Rock 'n' Roll porn
           And a motorbike.
           Shooting up junk...

Narrator:  He was a low down cheap little punk!

Scott:     Taking everyone for a ride.

All:       When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
           You knew he was a no-good kid.
           But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank:     What a guy!

Janet:     Makes you cry.

Scott:     Und I did.

Columbia:  Everybody shoved him.
           I very nearly loved him.
           I said, hey, listen to me;
           Stay sane inside insanity!
           But he locked the door and threw away the key.

Scott:     But he must have been drawn
           Into something,
           Making him warn
           Me in a note that reads...

All:       What's it say?  What's it say?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of my hed.
           Oh, hurry, or I may be dead.
           They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

All:       When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
           You knew he was a no-good kid.
           But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank:     What a guy!

Janet:     Makes you cry.

Scott:     Und I did.

All:       When Eddie said he didn't like his Taut
           You knew he was a no-good kid.
           But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank:     What a guy!

Janet:     Makes you cry.

Scott:     Und I did.

Frank:     Rocky!  How could you? 

                          WISE UP

           I'll tell you once;  I won't tell you twice.
           You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           Your apple pie don't taste too nice.
           You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

           I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
           You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
           When we made it, didja hear a bell ring?

           Ya gotta block?  Well, take my advice.
           You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           The transducer will seduce ya.

Janet:     My feet!  I can't move my feet!

Scott:     My wheels!  My God, I can't move my wheels!

Brad:      It's as if we're glued to the spot!

Frank:     You are!  So quake with fear, you tiny fools!

Janet:     We're trapped!

Frank:     It's something you'll get used to.
           A mental mind fuck can be nice.

Scott:     You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.  This 
           sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-
           physio-molecular transport device?

Brad:      You mean...

Scott:     Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for 
           quite some time.  But it seems our friend here has found a means of 
           perfecting it. A device which is capable of breaking down solid 
           matter and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps
           even time.. itself!

Janet:     You mean he's going to send us to another planet?

Frank:     Planet, shmanet, Janet!
           You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           You better wise up, build your thighs up,
           You better wise up

Narrator:  And then she cried out...

Janet:     Stop!

Frank:     Don't get hot and flustered!
           Use a bit of mustard.

Brad:      You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

Scott:     You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank 
           Furter.

Janet:     You're a hot dog --

Columbia:  My God!  I can't stand any more of this!  First you spurn me for 
           Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky!  
           You chew people up and then you spit them out again...I loved 
           you..do you hear me?  I loved you!  And what did it get me?  Yeah, 
           I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, 
           take, and drain others of their love and emotion.  Yeah, well, I've  
           had enough.  You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named 
           because of the rocks in his head.

Frank:     It's not easy having a good time... even smiling makes my face 
           ache... and my children turn on me...Rocky's behaving just the way 
           that Eddie did.  Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain 
           between the two of them?

Magenta:   Ahhhh!  I grow veary of this world!  When shall we return to 
           Transylvania, huh?

Frank:     Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff 
           Raff.  You have both served me well.  Loyalty such as yours shall 
           not go unrewarded.  You will discover that when the mood takes me, 
           I can be quite generous.
 
Magenta:   I ask for nothing...nothing.

Frank:     And you shall receive it...in abundance!  Come, we are ready for  
           the floor show!

Narrator:  And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had 
           decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their 
           friend, Dr. Everett Scott.  But it was to be in a situation which 
           none of them would have possibly foreseen.  And, just a few hours
           after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted 
           forbidden fruit.  This in itself was proof that their host was a 
           man of little morals...and some persuasion.  What further 
           indignities were they to be subjected to?  And what of the floor 
           show that is spoken of?  In an empty house?  In the middle of the 
           night?  What diabolical plan had been shaped by Frank's crazed 
           imagination?  What indeed?  From what had gone before, it
           was clear that this was to be no picnic.


                            ROSE TINT MY WORLD


           A. FLOOR SHOW


Columbia:  It was great when it all began.
           I was a regular Frankie fan.
           But it was over when he had the plan
           To start a-working on a muscle man.
           Now the only thing that gives me hope
           Is my love of a certain dope.
           Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Rocky:     I'm just seven hours old,
           And truly beautiful to behold.
           And somebody should be told
           My libido hasn't been controlled.
           Now the only thing I've come to trust
           Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
           Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Brad:      It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
           I'll be good; you'll see.
           Take this dream away.
           What's this?  Let's see,
           I feel sexy!
           What's come over me?
           Wo!  Here it comes again.

Janet:     I feel released; bad times decease.
           My confidence has increased; reality is here.
           The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.
           It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
           His lust is so sincere.


           B. FANFARE/DON'T DREAM IT

Frank:     Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
           That delicate, satin-draped frame?
           As it clung to her thigh
           How I started to cry
           'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

           Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
           Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
           Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
           And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
           Can't you just see it?  Oh, oh, oh... oh!

           Don't dream it, be it.

All:       Don't dream it, be it.

Scott:     Ach!  We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps 
           our wills. I've got to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my 
           mind may well snap, and my life will be lived... for the thrills!

Brad:      It's beyond me;  help me Mommy!

Janet:     God bless Lili St. Cyr.



           C. WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank:     My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
           I'm a wild and an untamed thing.
           I'm a bee with a deadly sting.
           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
           So let the party and the sounds rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

All:       We're a wild and an untamed thing.
           We're bees with a deadly sting.
           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
           So let the party and the sounds rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

           We're a wild and an untamed thing.
           We're bees with a deadly sting.
           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
           So let the party and the sounds rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone, gone, gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over.
           Your mission is a failure;
           Your lifestyle's too extreme.
           I'm your new commander;
           You now are my prisoner.
           We return to Transylvania.
           Prepare the transit beam.

Frank:     Wait!  I can explain!


           I'M GOING HOME


Frank:     On the day I went away...

All:       Goodbye...

Frank:     Was all I had to say...

All:       Now I...

Frank:     I want to come again, and stay.

All:       Oh, my, my...

Frank:     Smile, and that will mean I may.
           'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
           Through the tears in my eyes
           And I realize, I'm going home.

All:       I'm going home.

Frank:     Everywhere it's been the same...

All:       ...feeling...

Frank:     ...like I'm outside in the rain...

All:       ...wheeling...

Frank:     ...free to try and find a game...

All:       ...dealing...

Frank:     ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain.
           'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
           Through the tears in my eyes
           And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home.

Magenta:   How sentimental.

Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you.  You see, when I said WE were to 
           return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta and myself.  I'm 
           sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you 
           are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.

Scott:     Great heavens!  That's a laser!

Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott.  A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-
           matter.

Brad:      You mean...you're going to kill him?  What's his crime?

Scott:     You saw what became of Eddie.  Society must be protected.

Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott.  And now, Frank N Furter, your time has come.  
           Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!

Brad:      Good God!

Janet:     Oh!  You killed them!

Magenta:   But I thought you liked them.  They liked you.

Riff Raff: They didn't like me!  He never liked ME!

Scott:     You did right.

Riff Raff: A decision had to be made.

Scott:     You're O.K. by me.

Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your nephew.

Scott:     Eddie?  Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.

Riff:      You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.  We 
           are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transsexual, in 
           the galaxy of Transylvania.  Go...  Now!  Our noble mission is 
           completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to 
           the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.

Magenta:   Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night.  To sing and dance once more 
           to your dark refrain... To take that - step, to the right...

Both:      HAH!!

Riff Raff: But it's the pelvic THRUST...

Transylvanians:  That drives you insane!

Magenta:   And our world...will do the Time Warp...again!


                               SUPER HEROES

Brad:      I've done a lot; God knows I've tried
           To find the truth.  I've even lied.
           But all I know is down inside I'm

All:       Bleeding...

Janet:     And super heroes come to the feast
           To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
           And all I know is still the beast is

All:       Feeding...
           Ahh, ahh...

Narrator:  And crawling on the planet's face
           Some insects, called the human race...
           Lost in time, and lost in space,
           And meaning.

All:       Meaning.


                  SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE


Usherette: Science Fiction
           Double Feature.
           Frank has built and
           Lost his creature.
           Darkness has conquered
           Brad and Janet.
           The servants gone to
           A distant planet.
           Wo, oh, oh, oh.
           At the late night, double feature,
           Picture show.
           I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
           To the late night, double feature,
           Picture show.


Edited & distributed by: Andrew F. Netherton
                         anethert@mechanical.watstar.uwaterloo.ca